Top Table?

Discussion in 'Planning your Wedding' started by Becky, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. Becky

    Becky

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    Like many families, sadly mine and Ian's both have their complications. My parents divorced with I was 7/8, and my Dad has subsequently come out of the closet, and Ian's parents divorced about 5 years ago.

    I'm really lucky because my Mum and Dad always made an effort to get on, and they are good friends. My Mum remarried after the divorce, and my step-dad has been a real father figure to my brother and me. So no troubles on that front, just lots of parents.

    On Ian's side, his Mum has remarried, but his Dad is still a bit heart broken. Whilst they can get on if required, I wouldn't want to put Ian's Dad in that situation.

    My Dad being gay is not a problem for anyone except my grandparents (ie his parents) who get on fine with him as long as he pretends he is straight.Obviously they know the truth, but want to live in denial. I am really close to them, but cannot get my head round their attitude in this respect.

    Soooo all in all this gives us a real headache with the seating plan!!

    We can't do a normal top table, so have narrowed it down to two choices:

    1. Ian and I have a sweetheart table (ie just us two) :eek:
    2. We have a table with the best man, his girlfriend, the bridesmaids and their partners, and friends.

    Either way it would mean that our parents can sit with their respective partners, on separate strategically placed tables :lol:

    I'd really like to go for the first option as it would give us some time to ourselves, but Ian's not so keen. Is anyone else in this kind of situation? If so what are you planning?
     
    Becky, Jun 19, 2010
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  2. Becky

    MrsRall2B

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    Mine is similar but not quite so complicated, my mum and dad are divorced, with my dad re married and my mum having a long term boyfriend, so my mum and dad are each hosting their own table and on the top table we are having us, 3 bridesmaids, the bestman and 2 ushers making a total of 8 x
     
    MrsRall2B, Jun 19, 2010
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  3. Becky

    Mrsg2b2011 Guest

    I am not in the same situation but I love the idea of a table for just the 2 of you!! That sounds lovely. Really romantic. I do like the second option aswell but I just think its so unique to have a table on your own it will be adding your personal touch aswell. xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 19, 2010
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  4. Becky

    poppleminster

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    I love the idea of the little table but can understand why Ian might not be keen as there is a big room of people there for you two and you're not talking to them when they want to share with you. Therefore i'd go with the second plan or your sweetheart table and a long table either side like this:

    xxxx xx xxxxx

    does that make sense? Then you are still alone but seemingly being sociable.

    I have to say i'd love a table with just Ben and I. Might have to think about that!

    :eek:
     
    poppleminster, Jun 19, 2010
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  5. Becky

    iPrincess26

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    We are not in the same situation but realised if we went for a traditional top table 1/4 of our guests would be on it and all sat in one long line you don't get to socialize anyway. We are having just us and the 2 kids on the top table and each member of the bridal party hosting a table and we are just going to make sure we circulate. Also OH's parents are both dead and so I didn't want to highlight that in a traditional top table setting.
     
    iPrincess26, Jun 19, 2010
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  6. Becky

    poppleminster

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    this table lark is not easy!
     
    poppleminster, Jun 19, 2010
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  7. Becky

    Frogbitch

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    We are having a round top table with the best man, ushers, my MOH and her boyfriend.
    I didn't want the formality of a long table, and at the last wedding I went to, the bride and grrom seemed so detatched from everyone else.
    It also means I get to talk to people I really like, mostly.( Come back to that in a bit)
    Neither set of parents have helped with the planning of the wedding, and are paying towards the honeymoon rather than the wedding itself, so I don't feel bad about putting them on their own tables.

    Now, the ADVANTAGE of a long top table?
    I HATE the best man! He came with us to watch the match on Friday and did his usual "I don't have any money" routine. I've lost the last little bit of respect for him when he dropped out of organising Russ' stag night. The guy I wanted in the role is now doing all of that.
    He's scruffy, dirty, and spent the entire game dripping with sweat. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to eat if he's like that on the day.
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 20, 2010
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  8. Becky

    Becky

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    Frogbitch he sounds like a delightful gentleman :eek:

    Thank you for all your comments everyone - much appreciated. Sounds like I'm not the only one with issues re top table / seating plan as a whole!

    Whatever we do, I don't think we'll be having a long table - it's just so hard to talk to people! I think we may end up going for option 2 on a round table, although even if we do it'll still take ages to organise the seating plan!! I think when my step-brother got married it took him weeks to try and figure it out!!

    Anothing thing we have to think about is where to sleep everyone - there is limited accommodation on site (about 17 rooms) which we want to prioritise for people with kids and my grandparents. There is a pub down the road with about 10 rooms, and a bit further away there is a Premier Inn. Can't have Dad and his partner stay in the same place as my grandparents, and Mum wants the 'important people' (her words) to all stay together, ugh. I'll put off thinking about that one! I think my grandparents are being really unreasonable, but there's no arguing with them because they'll end up not coming! All I want is for both parties to compromise, but it's always my Dad that has to make sacrifices.

    Honestly - families!!:rolleyes:
     
    Becky, Jun 20, 2010
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  9. Becky

    poppleminster

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    At this point I am for once, actually glad I have over 2 yrs to go!! It will take me that long to sort out the politics.
     
    poppleminster, Jun 20, 2010
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  10. Becky

    Helen

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    Oh dear it's all such a minefield!

    We are not having a top table or any kind of table plan at all everyone can just sit where they like. It should work ok as it's a bit of an informal hog/beef roast type doo.

    The main problem I'm having is M wants the reception on the West side of the country as alot of his friends are farmers and will come after milking etc and have to milk the next morning and my parents want the reception at their house (in a marquee their house isn't that big lol) on the East of the country! I also have a lot of older relatives who would find it very difficult to travel so at the moment it is looking like we may have to have a reception at both sides of the country! :)
     
    Helen, Jun 20, 2010
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  11. Becky

    Becky

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    Eek! I've got visions of two simultaneous parties linked via video or something!! :)
     
    Becky, Jun 20, 2010
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  12. Becky

    MrsApplen2be

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    Im in the same position as you but less complicated as only my parents are divorced. We couldnt decide but went for the top table with 2 best men and my 2 bridesmaids next to us. the 3 tables situated closest to us will be my mum and her fam stu's family andmy dad and his familly so they know their the closest to us! Mainly because I like the traditional aspect of a long top table. When the speeches are done it gives a nice place to look to aswel.x
     
    MrsApplen2be, Jun 20, 2010
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  13. Becky

    MrsBrown

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    We had an idea to set the tables up in order of RSVP replies ha ha....

    Seriously, luckily we dont have that problem, just one or two akward guests to fit in.

    However I agree with some of the other ladies and think parents hosting a table is a good idea.
     
    MrsBrown, Jun 20, 2010
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  14. Becky

    vhc

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    how about a U shaped table?

    if both sets of parents are divorced, then you could put your mum and his dad on one side (with their respective OHs) and your dad and his mum on the other side (with respective partners again)

    so it could go something like:

    - your mum/partner - best man - you - ian - MOH - ian's mum/partner -
    -ian's dad/partner ----------------------------------------- your dad/partner

    (with partner being on the outside of the pair)
     
    vhc, Jun 22, 2010
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  15. Becky

    Becky

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    Thank you for the suggestions everyone - I can tell this one is going to be tough! Be prepared for lots of seating plan related questions from me closer to the time...!! :D
     
    Becky, Jun 22, 2010
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  16. Becky

    Frogbitch

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    Ok, Russ and I have just done a provisional seating plan, and it looks like the two of his friends that I can't stand will be on the top table.
    One is the best man, so I can't moan about that, but the other is a guy from Amsterdam, who doesn't know anyone outside of the wedding party, so has ended up with us.
    This now means that 3 of the 8 people on our table will not be directly involved with the wedding. Surely our families might have something to say about that?
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 24, 2010
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  17. Becky

    Becky

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    I guess it doesn't matter whether your families would prefer you to do it differently if it's what you want... aside from the best man, do you want them sat with you? If so, then your families can either like it or lump it - it's your day after all! :)
     
    Becky, Jun 24, 2010
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  18. Becky

    Mrs T2B (Kel)

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    we're not having a top table either ... for the same reason we aren't having a traditional wedding.. on my side family politics and on H2B's side, no family.

    We'd opted for round tables.. with us sat with the best man, his wife and daughter (Flowergirl) and one of my bridesmaids who is coming alone.
    Now the best man has shown his true colours of being a knob [​IMG] it leaves us with table planning issues...
    Thinking we'll have both bridesmaids (friend & sister) and then my other sister and her hubby who is doing the reading for us.

    or I have the same idea as becky and thought we'd just have a sweetheart table just us 2... mum was not impressed [​IMG]
     
    Mrs T2B (Kel), Jun 24, 2010
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  19. Becky

    poppleminster

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    I say chuck the man from Amsterdam on a table with others - he'll have to get to know some people or he'll be clutching onto your dress all day whining that he doesn't know anyone! I might ound harsh but he must be coming knowing he wont know anyone and is still ok to come so can make new friends :)
     
    poppleminster, Jun 24, 2010
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  20. Becky

    poppleminster

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    Having read the whole thread again, I am suggesting we all have tables organised in a big circle so we all see everyone else and can throw peanut at anyone we don't like. In the centre of the circly could be a table for two as a sweetheart table? Is this a really bad idea? It is isn't it? I think i'll just not have a seating plan!
     
    poppleminster, Jun 24, 2010
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