Think Im Losing My Moh

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by Oscar, May 27, 2010.

  1. Oscar

    Oscar

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    I know I havent physically lost anybody or h2b so I shouldnt be moaning but I need to get this off my chest.

    A set of our married freinds have just split up. She was to be my MOH (we'll call her G) and he was to be an usher (we'll call him M). M has done something awful which has resulted in G wanting a divorce, I have spoke to her and there definitley no getting back together.
    Im totally gutted that they have separated as they seemed perfect but M has ruined it.

    Anyway time for my selfish rant:-
    Feel as if I wont be able to enjoy the wedding now, Im sure it will go fine but you know that way you just want all your friends and family there and also want them to be genuinley happy but this wont be the case now!
    I was surprised but G said she still wants to be my MOH but may have to leave early - after the dinner, she said she could cope with M being there but apparently he has said to G if she goes he's not! M's Mum has also been invited to evening party as she is close to h2b's mum.
    So basically G will not be there in the evening to dance about stupid with me. She's my only friend:cry:

    Thankfully they arent making us choose which would be worse but I know H2b would be gutted if M didnt go.

    I shouldnt but Im starting to hate M. He's ruined his marriage and feel like he's ruined my wedding day.

    G & M are not telling the main reason for the split. Im the only one thats heard G's side, everybody else has only heard M's side and all I keep hearing is "poor M" "oh he's so devostated". Everyone seems to think G is the bad one and Im so fed up hearing it.
     
    Oscar, May 27, 2010
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  2. Oscar

    juliak

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    I'm so sorry Oscar, it is a terrible situation to be in. I don't think you are selfish as it doesn't sound like you're moaning to everyone about it and remember it IS your BIG DAY!

    You've been concentrating, rightly so, on making sure that you and h2b are going to have the perfect day, after all, people hope that they are only going to do it once, therefore they want it to be special to them.

    By going on what you have said I think "M" is the selfish one by stating that he is not going if "G" is going, this is totally selfish, downright rude and disrespecful to you and your h2b.

    Have you actually spoken to your h2b regarding this and M's refusing to go etc? What does he say?

    At the end of the day, regardless of the situation, we never know what goes on behind closed doors but there are always two sides to a story, perhaps you should try explaining that to the people who feel sorry for M, if they moan to you about it. That should get them thinking a little further without you coming across as mean or bitchy.

    Sorry, I don't think I've been any help at all but I really feel for you. I'e just been imagining how I would feel in that situation and it turns my stomach into knots, so I apologise for the rant. Please let us know how you get on, best of luck and lots of hugs your way!
     
    juliak, May 27, 2010
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  3. Oscar

    poppleminster

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    Sorry this has happened to you! I would talk to h2b and explain that there is more to it than just the publicly aired views of M. G may be feeling a little scared and overwhelmed that M and his mum might make thing hard for her but in reality, if you can asure her she is sticking with you and there for you then hopefully she'll be ok to stay longer.

    I know how hard it is when one person from a relationship air their views very publicly without giving the full picture - my ex did the same and I kept my silence which in the end, paid off. The hard bit is the interim when people take sides. All I can suggest is making G realise you love her to bits and that this is about you getting married and wanting to share that with her.
    [​IMG]
     
    poppleminster, May 27, 2010
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  4. Oscar

    Becky Administrator

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    That's a really difficult situation, no wonder it's getting you down.

    Did you say in another thread that your wedding is in a few months time? G and M might be on better terms by then, but I guess it will still feel quite raw. I agree with the other comments - best to speak to H2B and see what he thinks about it too. If he knows that M is at fault he might agree it's best if G goes to the wedding and M doesn't...

    Big virtual hugs from me xx
     
    Becky, May 27, 2010
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  5. Oscar

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Poor you hun, I don't think you are selfish at all. They need to put their feelings aside for one day. They won't be sat next to each other & they don't have to even speak to each other. If M grows up & sees sense then make sure you have a quiet word with the photographer before hand just incase he wants to do any BM & MOH shots!!! [​IMG]

    Also get H2b to have a word with BM & tell him he is there to support him so could he rein in his feelings for one day????

    P.S saw your post on the other forum, wow have they got sticks up their a*holes. Sorry but they have no right to be bitchy & judgemental so please don't take what they say to heart you are not selfish at all not even slightly you have everyright to worry about this it is your wedding day after all & it effects you. Chin up sweet xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, May 27, 2010
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  6. Oscar

    MrsBrown

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    Hi Oscar,

    So sorry you have to go through all this! Does G know anyone else at the wedding? I can imagine that she might feel a little overwhelmed with the situation, hence why she only wants to stay in the day. If she doesnt know many people then she may be worried that she will be on her own as you will be seeing (quite rightly!) all your other guests. My thought is maybe you could she bring a friend or close relative as her guest? if your numbers are limited maybe it could just be the evening? that way she can still dance with you but when her feet get tired she can have someone else to talk to and you wont have to spend all your time worrying about her either.

    We have 1 friend who doesnt know anyone and is single, so we have suggested she bring a female friend so it doesnt feel so intimidating. Not sure if it will work for you but might be an idea to suggest.

    Good luck Oscar

    Jayne x
     
    MrsBrown, May 27, 2010
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  7. Oscar

    Oscar

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    Hi

    Thanks for replies.

    Im just so gutted this has happend. They are.....were such a lovely couple. G is so kind and always putting others first, she doesnt deserve this.
    We have a group of friends that M and G are included in, so G would be sitting with them in the evening but so would M. H2b said may be it'll be a case of one comes during the day and one in the evening. I want G there the whole day! Feel as if she's being punished. But I know my h2b will want M there all day too!

    I will say to G if she wants to invite a couple of friends in the evening then thats fine but I dont think that will make things any easier.

    I dont know whats worse only having one of them there or having them both there but the whole time there hating each other or causing atmosphere.

    Whatever happens I wont take it personally but you know that way you picture your wedding day and you can just imagin everyone happy and having a great time but now its not going to be quite the same.

    Im trying to remember that M hasnt done anything to me personally and he's always been nice to me but he's hurt my friend so that hurts!
    OMG the timing just so sucks!

    You've probably seen my other depressing thread. I dont have many friends, G and I have been getting closer so I dont want to lose her now.

    I will be positive, I should be thankful that I havent lost anyone physically. The big picture..........if h2b turns up then it cant turn it out bad[​IMG]
     
    Oscar, May 28, 2010
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  8. Oscar

    Oscar

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    delete
     
    Oscar, Jun 6, 2010
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  9. Oscar

    Oscar

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    Yep I've lost her :)

    I spoke to her a few days ago and she told me she wouldnt be able to go through with the day. I can totally understand why but im still a bit sad about it.

    Im now worried that her husband is still going to be an usher and make it to our wedding. I know that sounds really bad but the last time I saw him they were still together , I'm worried that I'll hate him being there especially when my MOH isnt. Its hard as he and h2b are close friends and he hasnt hurt my h2b. I asked h2b how he would feel if his friend couldnt go through with it and like me he said he would understand as its not as if he'd enjoy himself anyway.
     
    Oscar, Jun 10, 2010
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  10. Oscar

    poppleminster

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. Big huggly. Not really anything anyone can say to make it better but maybe you could have a day with her seperate to the wedding where just you two can chill and do something nice maybe? I was really hoping she'd be able to cope. Big huggly.
     
    poppleminster, Jun 10, 2010
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  11. Oscar

    juliak

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    Oh, Oscar, I really feel for you hon. I can't say anything that'll make it easier for you. It's good that you've got your husbands support. Perhaps give it a few days and talk with him about it again when it's not quite so raw. Lots of love and hugs coming your way.
    Love Ju xxx
     
    juliak, Jun 10, 2010
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  12. Oscar

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    Aww hun im so sorry, wish there was something we could say or do to make you feel better. It must be so very hard for her right now but it isnt much easier for you, on the slightly brighter side you still have her as a friend and hopefully nothing will change that.
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, Jun 10, 2010
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  13. Oscar

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Oh hunny I am so sorry, big hugs. Really thinking of you xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 11, 2010
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