The Reluctant Hen

Discussion in 'Stag and Hen Parties' started by Frogbitch, Jun 7, 2010.

  1. Frogbitch

    Frogbitch

    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    912
    Likes Received:
    60
    I really wasn't interested in having a hen do. I only have one close female friend, and the one place I would have wanted to go to celebrate closed down a year ago.
    Anyway, just before Xmas last year, a work colleague came to London with me to collect my wedding shoes from Emmy. I've known her for years, and we've gone through alot together, so although we don't see each other out of work anymore, I was glad of her company.

    As my best friend lives and works in London, we met her for drinks, and the subject of a hen night came up. They decided between them that I should do SOMETHING, so I agreed to let them sort something out.
    I told my best friend (and MOH) exactly what I would and wouldn't want, and she and her boyfriend came up with fantastic fliers and invitations for a Sex and the City style meal in a local restaurant.

    This is where the problem started. My MOH wrote to all the people on my guest list, giving dates, times, and a minimum budget. (£40) She's had no replies. It turns out that as my colleague knows some of the people on the list, she's taken it upon herself to be their "spokesperson", and she keeps coming up with ideas that might be fine for a works do, but not for my hen!

    I've specifically said that I don't want any veils, tiaras and the like, and her response to my MOH was that I'm sure I wouldn't mind something "tasteful". Is there any such thing?

    She's refusing to get everyone to pay upfront as I'd like. ( I've sat through dozens of work dos where she ends up sorting out the bill after 3 too many glasses of wine.) Apparently, £40 is too much.

    She was also taken aback when she discovered that I had asked for more than her close group of work friends to be invited. She thought sorting out the bill for five would be easy. I've invited 15.

    I've already not invited a couple to my wedding as she doesn't get on with them, and my friend is really upset about the whole thing.

    Don't get me wrong, I've painted my colleague to be a bit of a cow, and she really isn't. She's just a bit of a mother hen and thinks she's doing people a favour.

    I just wish now my MOH and I had arranged tea at the Ritz or something now. :D
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 7, 2010
    #1
    1. Advertisements

  2. Frogbitch

    MrsBrown

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    Messages:
    1,402
    Likes Received:
    64
    Aggggggghhhhhhhhhh!! I really dont have any sensible advice to help but I can scream with you!!! I think you need to regain control of your hen night and do what you want to do, with the people you want to do it with!! I dont think £40 is too much, I was stressing about £50 for my hen night but no one complained and I have been to Hen nights were it was £150 for accomodation and did not include food or wine!!

    Good luck xx
     
    MrsBrown, Jun 7, 2010
    #2
    1. Advertisements

  3. Frogbitch

    Mrsg2b2011

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,110
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Sawbridgeworth
    Aaah hun what a nightmare. I think no matter how nice the person is they forget who's wedding & hen do it actually is!!! Really hope you manage to get it sorted hun.
    Ps totally don't blame you about not wanting the tacky tiara & veil. There is no such thing as tasteful as you say. When one of my friends had her hen do a couple of years ago her MOH got her an inflatable 6ft willy!Not nice at all!
    Everyone has strict instuctions from me to under no circumstances bring one. If they do I will have to just start smoking again so I can 'accidently on purpose' burst it!!! :lol:
    xx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 7, 2010
    #3
  4. Frogbitch

    Mrs T2B (Kel)

    Joined:
    May 30, 2010
    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    8
    I'm exactly the same as MrsBrown2b.. I don't have much advise.. but I will scream with you as I feel exactly the same! [​IMG]

    Everyone was moaning at me.. what's your hen party, when is it, where are you going .. blah blah [​IMG]
    I don't want one .... [​IMG][​IMG] eh.. you have to, lets go blah blah.

    I conceded in the end and allowed my MoH (my little sister) to organise something .. told her nothing tacky.. no willies, tiaras balloons or L plates. I want a meal and cocktails!

    She kindly tried to oblige .. the closest cocktail bar is about 20 miles away though, so she investigated the cost of a coach etc, and got one really cheap to drop people off at their homes for between £5-£10 per person (depending on if we filled the 15 seater or not).
    So the meal is local, and anyone who want to come to the cocktail bar has got a lift there and home. No one wants to go to the cocktail bar! [​IMG]
    So everyone moaned I wasn't having one, and now no one (except my sis and tremendously gay brother! [​IMG] ) want to come out for cocktails and do what I want for MY hen night. They just want to go for the meal because it's in a restaurant next to a wetherspoons pub and they assumed I'd be going there for cocktails and so have arranged to meet friends in there!! They are supposed to be out with me! [​IMG]

    So I share your frustrations!

    Don't let your friend be upset by it... easier said then done because I know my sister is fed up with people who initially said they'd come where ever, what ever and now they are backing out left right and centre.
     
    Mrs T2B (Kel), Jun 7, 2010
    #4
  5. Frogbitch

    Mrsg2b2011

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,110
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Sawbridgeworth
    God people make me so mad!! How can your 'friends' do that to you Kel? You are right it is your hen night so they should do what you want to do not meet up with their friends. I am sorry but I think that is very selfish on their part. Ugghh weddings always bring out the worst in people :lol: . Just make sure you, your sis & bro get hammered & have a fab time. Can't you call on your mum or dad to drop you off & pick you up to save you cab fares? xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 7, 2010
    #5
  6. Frogbitch

    MrsBrown

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    Messages:
    1,402
    Likes Received:
    64
    Kel... aghhhhhhh ... for you as well.

    I do not know what I am doing for my hen night and nor does any of the other guest apart from the MOH. She just told them they needed to pay £50 whihc includes transport and she would tell them when they got there (she will give directions on outfits the week before app). We all got invitations in the post with a time and a place (she did check out they could come first) There have been a few moans that they dont know what is happening but I have stayed out it.....
     
    MrsBrown, Jun 8, 2010
    #6
  7. Frogbitch

    poppleminster

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,043
    Likes Received:
    64
    Oh what fun. Not. I think people that like the raucous fun of the brit-hen night don't understand the views of those that grimace at the very thought of donning a veil and L plates. I am awfully nerdy and the thought of being centre of attention in such attire would be enough to send me hammering on the door of the local loony bin. I'm not adverse to such thing for others but for myself I simply hate the idea.

    'tasteful' is not relevant as it's not a universal thing so your wishes should be respected hopefully. What's hard, and I totally hear you on this one, is that the colleague is well meaning. She's trying to put her vision of an awesome night out onto you and it's her inability to undertand different people have different taste that is causing the issue.

    An idea:

    Talk to your MOH and inform her how you feel, that the other colleague is well meaning but it's making you anxious and between you use a strategy such as - telling the colleague how excited you are to have her input and that you're so looking forward to the idea of a the nice chilled sex in the city style meal you know / hope they are organising as you were so worried about having a loud event because it's really not you. Emphasyse regularly the CHILLED OUT and RELAXED dining experience and you can say that thank goodness they are doing that and not a 'veils and all' pub crawl.

    By continuously re-inforcing how pleased you are that she's involved and coming along and most importantly that you knew you could trust her and your MOH to do what you wanted to do, the psychology may just work! Devious but perfectly possible. It's the kind way of being honest with her rather than confronting her which I am sensing you'd rather not do and would compromise what you want rather than upset her. :lol:

    I'm expecting a similar issue and to avoid it, we're going to have a sten do!
     
    poppleminster, Jun 8, 2010
    #7
  8. Frogbitch

    May2010bride

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Argh! Hun that sounds like a pants dilemma!!

    Your work colleague shouldn't be sticking her beak in....your MOH is the one arranging it.

    If no one has paid towards it so far, and you've not put a deposit down for it, would you rather cancel it & just go for tea at the Ritz with your MOH/people you select?

    If you did go to the Rotz, you could always suggest going for a */shopping tripproper meal/night out* after, if people want to..but if you've arranged the Ritz, people won't feel pressured to stay with you the whole day, and spend extra money on a *proper meal* (god I hope that makes sense, please, someone tell me if it doesnt!).

    I didn't have a hen night (I know all my friends through different things, none of them ever got on when they've met before, so thought it would be safer to do nothing)!

    Good luck xx
     
    May2010bride, Jun 8, 2010
    #8
  9. Frogbitch

    Frogbitch

    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    912
    Likes Received:
    60
    The Ritz would only be for myself and my MOH. The train fare to London would swallow the £40 budget in itself.
    We can't do that now anyway as you have to book months in advance, and I've booked a dress fitting on the only weekend I'm free between now and the wedding, so I wouldn't have enough time.
    I'm more upset for my friend than anything. She sounds really stressed about the whole thing, and that's one of the main reasons I didn't want a hen in the first place.
    We talked yesterday, and we've said that if she doesn't get replies by the 18th as she's asked, we're going to say that we lost the booking, and do something on our own. She's the only one I really care about spending time with anyway.
    As a consolation, I might suggest that the others meet us for drinks first.
    I don't think I mentioned that it's my MOH's birthday three days after the supposed hen, so she's giving up her own special day to organise mine.
    You know, I might just turn the whole thing around and make it a surprise night for her. :D
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 8, 2010
    #9
  10. Frogbitch

    poppleminster

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,043
    Likes Received:
    64
    That's really sweet. Meeting the others for a drink is cool and you can then do your own thing. Sounds much better :D
     
    poppleminster, Jun 8, 2010
    #10
  11. Frogbitch

    juliak

    Joined:
    May 12, 2010
    Messages:
    977
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Somerset
    Poppleminster is right, that is a really sweet thought. You seem to be a really nice, thoughtful friend and I think she is lucky to have you (and, it seems, vice versa).
    I'm very lucky really, I put my foot down asap re the hen party, I didn't want the tacky 6ft willy inflatable etc and although I don't mind getting tipsy I didn't want a pub crawl either, so I made it clear that I wanted a meal in a local restaurant that I love and on to drinks at a really cool, chilled bar with live music. In fact, I booked it and made it clear before the mention of a hen night even came up, very cheeky!
    I really feel for you guys who feel pressurised into doing something that they don't want/wouldn't enjoy. Stick to your guns and don't feel bad, it is YOUR hen night and the only one you'll ever have, so enjoy it!
    Good luck xxx
     
    juliak, Jun 8, 2010
    #11
  12. Frogbitch

    Frogbitch

    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    912
    Likes Received:
    60
    Thanks Guys!:)
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 8, 2010
    #12
  13. Frogbitch

    Mrsg2b2011

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,110
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Sawbridgeworth
    Aaah hun, what you are saying about doing for your friends birthday sounds lovely!!! Hope this doesn't sound horrible but I hope no one replies so you can do what you want with your friend who is obviously showing you what at true friend is. You & your friend both sound like lovely people. Hope it all works out for you hun xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 9, 2010
    #13
  14. Frogbitch

    Frogbitch

    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    912
    Likes Received:
    60
    I've found out that the husband of one of the guests knows the restaurant owners, and is hoping to get the Sex and the City movie streamed into the restaurant for me! Nothing like keeping a low profile :)
    Apparently, if the new film isn't out on dvd by then, they're planning on using the first film. I think it's safe to assume they have no idea of the plot!!!!
    Can't wait to see their faces when Carrie gets jilted!
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 10, 2010
    #14
  15. Frogbitch

    poppleminster

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,043
    Likes Received:
    64
    Awesome!!!! :)
     
    poppleminster, Jun 10, 2010
    #15
  16. Frogbitch

    Frogbitch

    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    912
    Likes Received:
    60
    The deadline for replying to hen invites was Friday, and 4 people haven't got back to my MOH.
    One of the four hasn't even replied to her wedding invite yet. When I saw her on Thursday, so not only got the RSVP date wrong, but she also thought the wedding was Aug 21st, when it's actually the 20th!
    She is now holding EVERYTHING up!
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 20, 2010
    #16
  17. Frogbitch

    poppleminster

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,043
    Likes Received:
    64
    I say send in the heavies! Why do people have to be soooo inconsiderate? I'm sending my invites with reply paid envelopes and also offering online confirmation in the hope that it works but from reading all the hassle everyone has, I guess it's just part of getting married! I can't wait to get replies as I get really excited about anything other than junkmail and bills!
     
    poppleminster, Jun 20, 2010
    #17
  18. Frogbitch

    Frogbitch

    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    912
    Likes Received:
    60
    This particular woman has promised me an answer tomorrow. If she still hasn't decided (she needs to work round her husband's schedule, and he's currently abroad.), I'll tell her not to bother.
    I have to book a coach to get some guests to and from the venue this week. It the one thing I keep putting off and I absolutely have to get it done so I can start sorting out pick up points etc.
    Bet that will be a bundle of fun too!
     
    Frogbitch, Jun 20, 2010
    #18
  19. Frogbitch

    Mrsg2b2011

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,110
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Sawbridgeworth
    What a nightmare hun!!! Hope she gets back to you tomorrow hun! Its crazy how some people can just not understand how important RSVP'ing is!!! Must admit not looking forward to that!!! xxx
    Popple- my friend sent adresses & stamped envelopes with her wedding invites & STILL didn't get replies!!!???!!!! I am having an online RSVP aswell on my wedding website & actually recieved one today!! We only sent out Save the Dates last month but thought its great I have one already. Knowing my luck it will be the only one I recieve :) :blink: xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 20, 2010
    #19
  20. Frogbitch

    vhc

    Joined:
    May 1, 2010
    Messages:
    404
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Sittingbourne
    popple - i can just imagine people not bothering to reply, and then using your stamps for their own letters. :eek: (cynical face)

    FB - you sound like you're in nightmare land. :lol:

    i hate all that veil and L plates stuff too - always makes me think the partcipants are just drunken laddettes. not pretty. :lol:

    it sounds like your colleague has gone all out to organise what she wants for a hen night.
    i totally nagged my best woman that i wanted little of no fuss (wouldn't have had a hen night at all if she hadn't insisted). i've invited 5 people, and we're having a very quiet meal at home and then going to the pub for a couple of beers. (it's a small town so no chance of it getting rowdy)
    one of my friends wanted to go to Maidstone for a meal as she's coeliac and doesn't know any restaurants who would be good with that in sittingbourne. with that in mind, i've cancelled the meal in a restaurant we were originally going to do, because i really don't want to go further afield - i want to be able to have a couple of drinks and not have to stay sober just so i have to drive home (taxis cost a fortune from maidstone to sittingbourne)

    plus, our vicar's last service is the next morning, which has scuppered any plans i had to have a lie-in! so i want to get to bed at a decent hour so i can get up for church in the morning.
    OMG, i sound like a proper old lady!! :lol: :blink: :lol: :lol:
     
    vhc, Jul 1, 2010
    #20
    1. Advertisements

Ask a Question

Want to reply to this thread or ask your own question?

You'll need to choose a username for the site, which only take a couple of moments (here). After that, you can post your question and our members will help you out.