The Fine Line Between Wedding Wonder And Wedding Woe

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by poppleminster, Jul 19, 2011.

  1. poppleminster


    May 21, 2010
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    I've just had a long conversation with a bride-to-be and for the first time felt bored. I am such a wedding junkie that this shocks me somewhat. I've listened to her going on about there being no point in getting married unless you have the money to do it properly and this apparently involves a huge wedding with everyone you've ever met and their partners going, posh dinner and a dress worth at least a grand.

    I thought I was jealous at first then realised that in fact it isn't envy of her unlimited budget, it's her total lack of love involved. Not once in two hours did she mention the love behind the wedding, or indeed anything about the groom other than that his colours have been changed to match hers. It's all being organised as a big party to show off and gain approval / jealousy of all the guests but not a single detail indicated the romance between them.

    How easy is it to fall into this trap? It's natural to want the best wedding ever but also important to balance that with the recognition that it is a personal event and reflects the commitment being made between a couple that love and share their lives together. Yes it's nice if the napkin colour matches the flowers and the food tastes nice but these things, however expensive, are merely sidekicks to the real event of the day.

    I've spent days and hours and lots of researching arranging my wedding. I've kept to a budget because I wanted to and had to be realistic but you know what? Everything is done with both of us in mind. Ben is my life, my love and my whole planning is based around what we both like. Little details are important to me but not soley for the approval of others. I don't want anyonw to think my wedding is better or worse than anyone else's because every wedding should be as perfect as the love that it celebrates.

    I think what I am waffling on to say is not to stress buckets over the poshness of it all, don't get sucked into the consumer trap of thinking the more you spend the better it will be. Your day will be perfect no matter how much you spend or plan. No wedding is any better than another. They should all be personal events and equally important.

    This post is not intended to offend anyone, just to remind us all that the reason we are doing this is because we are promising our life to our partners and not to show off. It makes me so sad that the woman I spoke to earlier seemed to have no grasp of that.

    poppleminster, Jul 19, 2011
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  2. poppleminster


    Jun 16, 2011
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    West London
    Hear hear PM - very well said and I totally agree.
    I realised a few months ago that the only person stressing me out about our wedding (a control freak girlfriend) was exactly the kind of person you describe. They had 250 guests to theirs 4 years ago, a lot of whom she admits they haven't seen since, and complained afterwards because there weren't enough bay trees/flowers in the marquee! The whole thing, although beautiful, felt very corporate and impersonal and thank God I didn't get sucked into her planning frenzy when we got engaged. OH and I are focusing our limited budget on bringing our families together from both sides of the world for the celebration and all the little things we are doing to surprise them are inexpensive and very personal, involving family and friends where we can to make it a joint effort. Each to their own I guess, but I think the wedding industry in this country has a lot to answer for in making it all about the wedding and not the marriage.
    alfamillie, Jul 20, 2011
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  3. poppleminster


    Apr 27, 2010
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    Couldn't agree more ;)

    I tried to involve Ian wherever I could (tricky as boys just don't seem to be interested), and our focus was "we can't wait to be married" rather than "it's all about the wedding day". We weren't really fussed about the small things (didn't have favours, didn't ensure that everything matched, had an ipod in the evening instead of a DJ, etc) because on the day they didn't matter at all!

    It is, of course, nice to doll yourself up and feel your best, but Ian would have looked at me in exactly the same way if I'd turned up in jeans. We were just so happy to be husband and wife :D

    I can understand that some people do want the whole shebang, but it's sad if the reason for the day is lost in the process :D
    Becky, Jul 20, 2011
  4. poppleminster


    May 1, 2010
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    Lymm, Cheshire
    I agree. One of the best weddings I've been to was that of one of my friends last year. There were so many little details that were about them. Their choices of music were important to them and represented certain things they'd done together over their relationship and the whole thing was full of their personalities, without being over the top or being stupidly expensive. They both just looked so happy to be married and not stressing out that little things that don't matter weren't exactly perfect - just how it should be.

    I can't wait to get married. It's still so far away. The most important part of it for me is that it's Neil at the end of the aisle and that all the people we love are there with us.
    MrsC2Be, Jul 21, 2011
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