Stag Night Blues.

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by poppleminster, Mar 10, 2012.

  1. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    I have an issue. A close friend is sorting out Ben's stag do. He is planning a roleplaying event and tavern night which is really cool apart from one thing. The girls.

    They are planning for one of our mutual friends to strip in character as a law enforcing officer and then stop at the last minute. The other girls in the roleplaying club are also going. All that is apart from me.

    I'm not sure why I have such a problem with this. I am 38 and they are all 24 at the oldest I think. So the age could be threatening I guess but I think it is more the fact that they are people I know. How many stag nights have one or more of the brides friends stripping and getting drunk with them? What I can't understand is that I wouldn't offer to do it for a friend in the first place. They see it as a bit of fun and I am sure it is but I really don't want to see them at the wedding after the image of them stripping in front of Ben is in my head.

    The daft thing is I wouldn't mind a stranger stripping - I can see the harmless fun in that but not someone I know and have to see socially.

    It is not about trust, I trust Ben and the person concerned but it is about basic courtesy I suppose. I just wouldn't do it.

    I've tried to say something but the person organising it seems to think I am overeacting and being jealous but it isn't jealousy, you just don't do it. Am I wrong here?

    Ben thinks I am being unfair to the girl in question as she wouldn't do anything with him but again, this isn't the point. The point is I would never even so much as dream, even if I had an awesome body, strip for any of my friends stag nights leaving the poor bride-to-be sat at home whilst they all get drunk.

    I have to add - Ben has offered to cancel the entire thing and promises he'd do nothing I was unhappy with. It is not him organising it so it isn't his fault. I just hate coming across as a jealous old crone which is what it feels like. Ben says he doesn't mind which just made me cringe as in my insecure brain that means he thinks it is ok to do it.

    So what would you do? Let them get on with it knowing nothing will happen and that they all think it is just fun or make a fuss and demand the women stay away? I don't want to upset anyone and like them all but just prefer it not to happen. I can't say how much I feel sick at the thought of a friend being all sexy and stripping in front of my future husband. Fun maybe to them but a bit wrong to me sat at home.
     
    poppleminster, Mar 10, 2012
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  2. poppleminster

    Frogbitch

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    If Ben already knows about it, and the woman is going to stop half way through, hasn't the intended "joke" been spoiled anyway?

    Becky, I'm with you on this.
     
    Frogbitch, Mar 10, 2012
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  3. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    Oh they'd still do it. The idea is they are apparently getting the women to dress up as men but in a sexy way for the weekend. This is a Sat and Sun thing. What makes it a little more annoying is that one of the girls in particular annoys me whenever I cross paths with her. She is very attention seeking and childish. On one event she stood up in front of a group of men and asked their honest opinion on her boobs as she wondered if they were too big for her frame. Oh and after the boob thing she crawled across a field wiggling her arse then complained the men were watching her... Please excuse me as I vomit.
     
    poppleminster, Mar 10, 2012
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  4. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    Sorted. Spoken to the friend organising it and put my foot down. He was ok about it, maybe he'd realised it wasn't quite the done thing. Phew. Feel better now. Still freaked at how irrational I can be though! I really saw red and got upset.
     
    poppleminster, Mar 10, 2012
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  5. poppleminster

    MrsC2Be

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    I don't think it's irrational, I think you're entitled to feel the way you do. How would Ben feel if one of the guys turned up at your hen and got all naked and writhed around in your hotel room?
     
    MrsC2Be, Mar 10, 2012
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  6. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    LOL If we had any male friends capable of doing that he'd probably laugh. I'm not sure he'd be so happy with all our friends there and just him at home. Poor Ben, I think I probably gave him a hard time over it as I wanted him to not want the girls to do it but of course, he wouldn't care if they did as it means nothing to him. He would not allow it if it upsets me, which it does and is the main thing. I suspect the old and insecure part of me just wanted him to say he'd rather she didn't do it, not because I would be upset, just because it is wrong. If i'd given him the time maybe he'd have said that anyway but I just lost it and got all upset.
     
    poppleminster, Mar 10, 2012
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  7. poppleminster

    MrsBrown

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    Stag do's are for men's friends, hen do's for the womans! I appreciate that you have male friends and he has female, and your not being completely traditional with this, but I agree a night out with all mutal friends and you at home is not on! That's more like a wedding party without the bride!

    Hubby sil went on his stag do and that annoyed me, partly because I felt like she couldn't even let her partner have the night off. And they went away camping and she made him call off somewhere and they turned up late!!!


    As for the stripper... No way! Regardless of your feelings, it's wrong to want to even pretend to stip in front of your friends!!!!!!
     
    MrsBrown, Mar 10, 2012
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  8. poppleminster

    Helen

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    Glad you have sorted it all. I agree I wouldn't mind husband going to see strippers, but wouldn't be so keen if it was one of our friends, that just seems a bit strange.
     
    Helen, Mar 10, 2012
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  9. poppleminster

    iPrincess26

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    Glad you've got it sorted and you aren't being irrational or anything like that the situation was just wrong! Put it to my OH and he said role playing or not it was wrong. Hope you are feeling happier about it all, now that it's sorted. Xx
     
    iPrincess26, Mar 10, 2012
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  10. poppleminster

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    I agree with the others it is just wrong. You are not irrational i would be the same if one of our female friends wanted to strip off for Gareth.
    And as for everyone being there apart from you that just seems unfair and wrong, me and Gareth have a lot of mutual friends but the girls are not going to his stag and the men are not coming to my hen. We are having a joint do just a few drinks and a meal with everyone.
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, Mar 11, 2012
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  11. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    Thanks everyone, it made me really miserable. I have to give Ben full credit for being awesome and putting a stop to it all. He has made it very clear that he is not having the girls there and nobody is stripping. It just shows why I am marrying him, he was really worried about me and has truly been awesome over it all. I don't care if they think it was ok, I really didn't and neither did Ben. He hadn't realised exactly what they were planning whereas I had been told. When he realised exactly what the intention was he was brilliant over it all. Yay for Ben :)
     
    poppleminster, Mar 11, 2012
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    MrsBoucher2B2012 likes this.
  12. poppleminster

    Becky

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    I was away over the weekend so only just remembered to reply to this now! Better late than never...

    Just wanted to say that I'd feel exactly the same in your position, so thank goodness for Captain Ben of Awesomeness :D
     
    Becky, Mar 14, 2012
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