Knew Exactly Where This Needs To Go. Help

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010.

  1. iPrincess26

    missy03

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    Oh my god!! i am sooooo sorry to hear your news ;) that is a very rude and mean way to leave you like that especially when there is no way of getting in contact with him to answer you questions. I totally agree with everyone else you soooooo totally deserve better and you seem like a really lovely person and i hope when all this has settled down and you get all the answers you deserve you find the one very special guy who will love you too bits and wont make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells all the time.

    sending heaps of hugs and love your way x x x x
     
    missy03, Aug 31, 2010
    #21
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  2. iPrincess26

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    He is an utter bleeping bleep bleep and i agree with Ben 100% (So does Gareth just dont tell him i told you).

    I hope you find someone who truly deserves you because you are an amazingly fantastic person, if there is anything i can do to help just let me know

    xxxx
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, Aug 31, 2010
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  3. iPrincess26

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Oh hun I am so so sorry. I don't know what to say but am sending you massive massive hugs xxxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Aug 31, 2010
    #23
  4. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Dear lord you lot know how to make a girl cry!
    Becky i think confused and upset hit the nail on the head, funnily enough I didn't sleep last night and spent the whole night thinking about the relationship - and if I am really honest I think it should of ended a while ago, I was never completely comfortable with some things and for a long time have felt there were subjects I couldn't talk to him about and think we both pushed things to one side because it was nice and comfortable and I think we have loved each other and still do just not IN love with each other. I am at the same time confused as to whether I'm telling myself this to try and feel better or not and then I wonder if he has ever loved me or stayed out of some missed placed guilt! It would seem that he lied to me last week and not I think if he did it so well and so easily then has he done it before? I have no desire to get back together because I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I do now and I will if we got back together - But I need the answers so I can put it behind me and try and move on. He said he would contact registrar and caterers etc to cancel but he hasn't contacted any of them yet as I have cancelled everything last night and today - thank goodness for email am also trying to get my deposits back from the photographer and the caterers so lets keep our fingers crossed.

    Apart from that not sure what to do, we were back living at my mam and dads and they go away for a week tomorrow (which he knows about - he has a key still) so I am going to be stuck in the house on my own for a week, I have a friend coming on friday and possibly monday, and keep flipping between being fine and can say its over forever etc without even a tremble in my voice and then the next second I am bawling my eyes out and want to be on my own but don't want to be alone its not good, but glad I can still come on here and talk to you guys, just wished any of you lived close by.
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 31, 2010
    #24
  5. iPrincess26

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    if i could i would be around like a shot the little madam i would have in tow would have you giggling constantly she is so clumsy at the moment

    Big hugs
    xx
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, Sep 1, 2010
    #25
  6. iPrincess26

    juliak

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    Oh Amy, I wish I were nearer to you, I'd be there in a heartbeat!

    I do agree with the others about him being a selfish, cowardly cock and I don't mean to play devils advocate but if he truly is depressed then this may be his way of handling it, from my past experience I holed myself away and didn't see, talk, text, e-mail anyone - I actually lost friends due to it as they didn't understand. I am in no way making excuses for him or justifying how he has treated you as he has acted diabolically! I agree you need and deserve answers and the good old American "closure" and he should man up and face you.

    You are a strong, beautiful, independant woman who deserves far better treatment than this. You need to give yourself time to process this situation and some days are going to be better than others, but you WILL pull through.

    My love and thoughts are with you and we are here to help you. I'm sending lots of love and hugs your way, I am so sorry.

    Love Ju xxx
     
    juliak, Sep 1, 2010
    #26
  7. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Thanks Ju

    Your right I am convinced he is depressed and thats what this is all about and that what makes it even worse, the fact that I know whats driven him to do it and i can't help him. At least i thnk thats what it is the other thing going through my mind is that he is really good at lying and acting and he is off with someone else or something. I just wish he would come round so i could find out
     
    iPrincess26, Sep 1, 2010
    #27
  8. iPrincess26

    juliak

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    That's the problem with how he's left it....your mind is going to work over time and you're going to be thinking all sorts of things! Bloody silly man!
     
    juliak, Sep 1, 2010
    #28
  9. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    At the moment I just don't know if I should report him missing, the ex reckoned he was perfectly fine and nothing wrong with him - not sure then why he has taken off and not contacting anyone and has left 99% of his stuff - have found his expired passport this morning along with his cheque books and can't decide if I feel better or worse for finding them and just keep wondering whether to report it or not, as I would never forgive myself if something happened and I hadn't reported it but then I think am I just being silly and over-reacting?

    any ideas any one?
     
    iPrincess26, Sep 1, 2010
    #29
  10. iPrincess26

    Helen

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    Hi Amy

    I'm really sorry to hear your news. It sounds like you are doing really well so far. I was in a similar situation a few years ago I will offer a few words of advice. I wouldn't report him missing. He is a grown man (however childish he may be behaving right now). I would leave that to the mother of his kids if you and she deem it necessary. I personally would wait as I doubt he is in any danger. Do you have joint bank accounts? If so freeze them immediatley. I cannot stress this enough. If he has a house key I would also discuss changing the locks with your parents. You don't want him turning up in the middle of the night and letting himself in when you are in a vulnerable state.

    I had a lot of trouble with my previous fiance. He vanished one night and I didn't hear from him for days. In the end I contacted his sister and parents who hadn't heard from him either. I was frantic with worry as I had no idea why he had gone or where he had gone. He text a week after he had gone saying sorry and could he come home to talk. I let him and he went out of his way to make it up to me over the next few months. He turned up one day with a new engagement ring asking if I still wanted to marry him. I knew right then I wasn't sure I did but I said yes thinking I had plenty of time to work things out in my head and diecide what I did want to do. I almost felt trapped as I was so scared he would just leave. I felt that noone else could love me and that if I called it off I'd be single for the rest of my life. We did have some amazing times together and I think this is what I thought it could be like all the time with some time to heal. A year later we were at his work Christmas doo. The following day I left to drive home and he was due to follow a few days later after he had finished work for Christmas. He loaded my car with presents he had bought me and his family. His car would be too full of stuff to fit them in. The following day I had several messages from his friends saying congratulations and why didn't you tell us. I was a bit confused and text him to ask what his friends meant, I never got a reply. The day after one of his friends rang me. She told me he had announced he had got married the day before to his work mates. All his friends thought he had married me hence the congratulations texts. It was only the day after when he turned up with another woman they realised it wasn't! I was so shocked. I tried ringing him but he had changed his number. I had all this possessions in my house. I didn't know what to do. I hated him so much for what he had done to me. Worse was to come though. I still hadn't heard anything from him then I had a text saying he wasn't coming home. I never heard from him again. We had a joint bank account. The day I had been told he had married someone else I went to the bank to freeze the account. I was too late. He had already emptied it to pay for his wedding to this other girl. He had majorly overdrawn it. I had to pay off the overdraft and the account had to remain open (but frozen) until he consented to close it. 8 months later the bank manager took pity on me and closed it without him. We had been due to go on holiday on new years eve. I had booked and paid for the holiday but when I rang the company to ask if I could change who came on the holiday with me I was told that it had already been changed from me to his new wife! I was furious. I had booked and paid for the holiday. The company had proof that I had paid for it and that I had signed the booking form but I had made one mistake. Whe I had filled out the booking form I had written his name first followed by my own. That meant he was the party leader and could evict me from my own holiday! I took legal advice and there was nothing I could do. I had paid for his wedding to another woman and his honeymoon.

    He never even told his family. They rang my house phone wanting to speak with him on Christmas eve to find out when we were going there on Christmas day. They didn't hear from him for months afterwards. I since found out that he separated and got divorced and has been engaged again twice since. I hate him with a passion. I hate what he put me through. I hate that he made me look stupid. I hate myself for letting him do it to me and that I didn't notice. And yet dispite all that I felt initially sorry for him. (That soon wore off lol). I thought I would never love anyone else like I did him. Although I never heard from him again he has had an adverse effect on subsequent relationships of mine. I've found it hard to believe people and trust them, when I got engaged to Matt instead of feeling happy I thought what are people going to say this time etc. I love Matt far more than I ever loved the other one.

    Amy you can and will be happy again, just keep your chin up and enjoy your life. You will find the man for you who will love you for who you are and most importantly respect you and never treat you how this one has treated you.

    Big hugs hun
    xxx
     
    Helen, Sep 1, 2010
    #30
  11. iPrincess26

    juliak

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    F**king hell Helen.....no bloody wonder you endured adverse reactions to new relationships, what a prize twat!!!! I can't believe that a human being could do that to someone whether they proclaim to love them or not, that is evil!

    Sorry for the profanities but that made me quite rageful!!!!!
     
    juliak, Sep 1, 2010
    #31
  12. iPrincess26

    Helen

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    Mmmm and he is still out there no doubt leaving a trail of distraught women in his wake. Hopefully what goes around will come around and give him a big kick in the butt.

    Let it be a warning to all your friends - always book holidays with your name first on the booking form!
     
    Helen, Sep 1, 2010
    #32
  13. iPrincess26

    MrsBrown

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    Omg Helen, I am so shocked that one person could do that to another (and that the wife would be so stupid.. though maybe the poor cow didnt know about you either!) I am so glad you have found someone nice to spend the rest of your life with.
     
    MrsBrown, Sep 1, 2010
    #33
  14. iPrincess26

    Helen

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    Amy I just thought of something else, I know it hurts a lot to do it but you need to get all his things and box them up. Then tell the ex wife that you have boxed his stuff up and when she sees him to tell him he has a fixed time period to come and collect it or to send someone for it. It is the pits to sit around and keep coming across their things.

    I boxed all my exs stuff up the day before Christmas so I didn't have to look at it then I gave him notice (via letter to his work) that he had so long to pick his things up and then I was getting rid of them. After taking more legal advice (!) I kept his stuff for 12 months sent 3 letters to his work and never had any reply then I threw a lot of it out and then car booted the rest to try and get some of my money back. Needless to say I only recouped about a tenner so against my cancelled wedding and funding his wedding and honeymoon so he still owes me several thousand pounds.
     
    Helen, Sep 1, 2010
    #34
  15. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Helen

    I am so sorry that you have had to go through all that and i am so very glad that you have made it out the other side and are now happy. We don't have any joint accounts and I have just changed all my passwords for facebook,ebay, paypal etc as he knew most of them. I haven't reported him missing and after a few rather horrible texts from his ex-wife I won't be, I am sure she knows where he is and can get in touch with him. You are right he is a grown man and needs to realise that and deal with the situation.

    I am convinced that he will not turn up in the middle of the night as he is too much of a coward for that. Today after those texts and then spending the afternoon with my sister who is great but not what you would call full of hugs and sympathy she is more of a pull your self up and get on, but that has really been what i need. After not sleeping for the last two nights I have realised that I really mourned the relationship quite a while ago - if i am truly honest it got to the point where I didn't trust him 100% and although I tried to say it was his ex i didn't trust I realise now I was kidding myself and even after last time when I got him to come back really I think it was more out of a comfort thing and being scared of being on my own - I have lost all sense of self, i used to be really outgoing and up for a laugh and giving anything ago - in the last few years I have stayed at home on my own while he was at work and I never saw people or anything it was always just us two or if i did see other friends it was with him, I have allowed myself and he made me completely dependant on him.

    I no longer feel sorry for him and am glad he has done it now before his name went on my business! And last night in my revelations and anger i have already joined an online dating site, while it will take me time to trust again I am determined not to let him ruin my happiness forever and I am sure there is someone out there who will love me, treat me like a princess and allow me to keep my own personality. I know I deserve better and I am not going to settle for less. And this is the first time I have read all the lovely things you have all said and not burst into tears. Its amazing what a bath and a cup of tea will do. I have ordered a new car and although its going to take 12-16 weeks at least then I will have a little more independence and when my parents get back we will discuss what to do about my living arrangements and the stuff that is in storage - at least when I do get a place of my own I have furniture!

    So I won't disappear, we should have an offshoot of the site for dating! I wish ever single on of you on here every happiness forever, you maybe cyber but you are most definitely friends. Thank you all xxxx
     
    iPrincess26, Sep 1, 2010
    #35
  16. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    The stuff that he left in the house I have bagged up so that I don't have to keep seeing it, the rest is in the storage unit and we will have to sort that out, I'll work out how to do that with my dad next week when he is back unless Mac turns up before then. I would like to see him as I want to check what exact debts there are and if any have my name on them, as he dealt with all the bills (or not as it seems) and I don't think he bothered to put my name on anything which is good. But I want to make certain and hopefully I can recoup some or all of my deposits.
     
    iPrincess26, Sep 1, 2010
    #36
  17. iPrincess26

    poppleminster

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    Helen - words fail me. I'm not even going to read your post out to Ben or the expletives wont stop! I am so glad you've found Matt. I think there hould be a tattoo for the forehead of the moron you were with to warn the female population. Don't ever feel silly, the guy was clearly an expert in deception so you stood no chance. He'll never be happy. You will :lol:

    Amy, been thinking about you and sending positive thoughts. Have fun on the dating site, the amusement will do you good. You are braver than I, I am sooooooo not good at the whole dating thing, I think Ben just tool pity on my feeble efforts. I sent him a long list of all the things about me that I figure are negative - never take advice from the Poppleminster on how to pull a bloke!
     
    poppleminster, Sep 1, 2010
    #37
  18. iPrincess26

    juliak

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    Sweetie if ever you want a trip to Taunton you're more than welcome to stay here. I really admire you and the strength and resolve you are displaying. We're all here for you whatever you need. Love Ju x
     
    juliak, Sep 2, 2010
    #38
  19. iPrincess26

    Helen

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    It sounds like you will be just fine! You are doing really well I'm proud of you :(

    Have fun on the internet dating, don't go mad and rush anything too serious give yourself time to rediscover who you are. I went internet dating for a while and yes there were some very odd people about but be careful and you will have a ball of a time :lol: You can meet some really interesting people you might not normally come across!

    PS when you manage to get any of your deposits back it's time to go shoe shopping!!! :(
     
    Helen, Sep 2, 2010
    #39
  20. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Shoe shopping sounds like a plan Helen, am hoping to go buy new bedding tomorrow when my mate comes round. I am doing great no tears since tea time yesterday and actually let myself admit that I am kinda relieved and that there were times over the last year or so where I would look at him and wonder why I was still with him as it didn't feel right anymore and I know I avoided sex at times because I didn't want him to touch me. I know that sounds bad doesn't it - Guess I'm just as guilty for lying to myself and staying because it was easy,safe and comfortable - I guess the stress and money issues that just kept happening finally got to us, I would like to believe that at one point he did love me and that the whole 7 years weren't a sham, we had some really great times and I am upset that it ended the way that it did and I did kinda over-react but didn't think he would be such a coward and was convinced he was depressed I kind of still am but he obviously isn't ready to admit it or take help so I need to concentrate on me - I am really starting to feel like me again - I say that he took my inner meness my independence, outgoingness and so on but I let him do it and allowed myself to become solely dependent on him so that I would only see my friends when he was at work if he was home we had to be together and over the last two months I was starting to leave that behind me and had broken out the scarlet red lipstick and was getting some independence back, not sure he liked that!

    Next stop is a trip to the hairdresser in the next few weeks and have a [email protected] party at the end of the month with a friend and i'm crashing at hers for the night so that should be good, now all i need to do is find someone to go to see Glen Hughes with me at the end of the Month and have tickets for Sarah Millican in December (might have a date for that one though) also need someone who's up for a trip to birmingham in April for the Gadget Show live!

    I won't forget about you all, and won't leave as long as you don't mind having a young single one on here! I can amuse you all with the ups and downs of being back on the market!

    I want to say a huge Thank you to you all as you have kept me sane over the last few days - Thank you doesn't seem enough - so as soon as Becky and Ian work out how to send Haribo through the computer you will all be getting some from me. I really feel like I have found friends in you all and hopefully next time I announce an engagement Its mine and its right.

    Love and big hugs to all of you xxxx:D
     
    iPrincess26, Sep 2, 2010
    #40
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