Knew Exactly Where This Needs To Go. Help

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010.

  1. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Well Ladies I no longer have to worry about flowers, colour schemes or anything remotely wedding related as I am not going to have one anymore! Today I go up to make myself some lunch and found a letter on the dining table - Yes he has done it again, but this time he has planned it properly. He has cancelled his phone, twitter,facebook, email, flickr everything. No one has any idea where he is and no one has heard a thing from him. Just a letter saying it that he wasn't 100% about getting married, he had left and he would cancel things!

    While I had no idea I think that after last time I was always waiting for it to happen not really believing that it would! Now I have no idea what to do, I have no car am back living with my parents (who go on hol for a week on wed) and no way of getting out and going places.

    After spending the afternoon with my sister who bless her has spent the time trying to be positive and create me a plan of action - we didn't get to far, just head off down to the garage and see if they will let me get another motability car as I handed the last one back early as I can't drive very far and had no need to as I had Mac!

    Please help, I won't be taking him back this time but have no idea what to do!

    Amy xx
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010
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  2. iPrincess26

    Pinkprincess

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    Oh my god you poor thing. Has he done this before then? when were you supposed to be getting married? He might come back big hugs xxx
     
    Pinkprincess, Aug 30, 2010
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  3. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Yeah he went a bit funny and wrote a letter saying it was all over last bank holiday monday but he came home then as he didn't mean it and we got through it i thought! Even if he did come back that's it I deserve better than spending everyday wondering if he was going to leave again - he needs couselling I am convinced he is depressed ( he has had a lot of crap to deal with since he was really young but has never dealt with anything and just bottles up and doesn't talk) I thought we'd had a break through last time as i got him to go to counselling but he only went once and then stopped saying he was fine but obviously not. If he would make contact I would do all I can to help him but I will never go back to him - he has messed me up too much and I am only just sorting my self out!
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010
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  4. iPrincess26

    VikingWife

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    I am so sorry to hear that Amy, but you deserve better than this. x
     
    VikingWife, Aug 30, 2010
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  5. iPrincess26

    Pinkprincess

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    You do deserve better hun. x
     
    Pinkprincess, Aug 30, 2010
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  6. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Thanks guys - `Just been a bit of a blow even if i think deep down I was expecting it - just trying to get a hold of him now to make sure he is safe and not going to do anything silly but no one can I am worried sick and no idea what to do.
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010
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  7. iPrincess26

    MrsBrown

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    Oh Hun.... Sending telepathic hugs.

    There is nothing we can say to make it any better, time is a great healer and you def deserve better than this. Sounds like your sister will be there for you.

    Thinking of you

    xxx
     
    MrsBrown, Aug 30, 2010
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  8. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Cheers hun, am actually not as cut up about things as i expected, i think deep down i knew it was going to happen as at times i felt like i was walking on eggshells with him and that is no way to live your life. Just worried about him as no one can get in touch with him.
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010
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  9. iPrincess26

    poppleminster

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    Big hugs my lovely friend and you're going to be fine. He's a coward. He could have sat you down and spoken it through but has done the cowardly thing and run away covering himself as he went. This action in itself leads me to believe he is probably depressed as you uspect but this is no excuse for the hurt being caused. I'm guessing it's because he cannot deal with letting you down and hurting you so by running away, he doesn;t have to see the mess he leaves behind.

    I'm so sorry and don't dash off and leave us, i'll pm you my email addy so stay in touch as it's been lovely having you on here.

    Whilst being very sad for you, part of me is glad he's gone now as from your description about walking on eggshells, it's better he goes now rather than on or after the day itself. You're a beautiful person and worth better. You're strong, you've already proved that in life and you will be even stronger from this experinece o that when you do meet Mr Right, you'll not have that nagging feeling things may go wrong, it'll just all be right :D

    More big hugs, am devastated for you and we're here when needed to offer utter rubbish advice (in my case anyway), a few giggles and chaotic attempts at trying to put the world to rights. I should probably be typing that men are all crap and rubbish and generally fit for only sex but (amusingly) that's not true. There is one out there that's right for you and you'll find each other probably when least expecting it so in the meantime, have fun, stay true to yourself and just remember you have us lot here :D

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
    poppleminster, Aug 30, 2010
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  10. iPrincess26

    Ben

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    I hardly ever post on these boards, they're for girls right? But I get updated by my loveliest (er...that makes it sounds like I have more than one...soooo "my lovely") and wanted to post.

    He's a cock.

    I'm sure you loved him and everything and that you don't want anyone saying anything nasty about him but he is. Leaving is one thing...if it's not right, then it's not right: better to find out now than after the wedding. But you don't run away from your problems, sure it works initially but you never change if you do and I think he really needs to change.

    He's a coward, cancelling everything so that no one can contact him.

    I don't know you but I know that you deserve better. To be honest you could be the most horrible person in the world (I'm assuming you're not as you sound nice) and you'd still deserve better. No one deserves that. The least you deserved was to be told to your face and I'm genuinely angry that he didn't do that.

    Now I'm probably going to get moderated by my fiance for calling him a cock, but he is. Good luck for the future, forget him, seriously forget him, take this as a truly fortunate event that will hurt to start with but then you can get on with your own life and find someone much, much better.

    Love and hugs (in a platonic way....you never know who's reading), Ben
     
    Ben, Aug 30, 2010
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  11. iPrincess26

    poppleminster

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    I spend ages being diplomatic and..... Ben probably puts it better than I do :D
     
    poppleminster, Aug 30, 2010
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  12. iPrincess26

    Ben

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    Cock cock cock cock cock

    Which is not necessarily a suggestion...but might make you feel better short term. I'm sure there's something smutty I could suggest about 'long' term being better. Will work on it.

    Seriously, we've all been dumped (except for those few on here who ALWAYS do the dumping: you know who you are and the rest of us hate you) and we feel for you but it will get better.

    If it helps, a mate of mine has just split up with his fiance and I was going to go and be supportive but now I'm going to go round and be horrible to him and take out all my anger on him because he's a cock too obviously.

    Ben x
     
    Ben, Aug 30, 2010
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  13. iPrincess26

    poppleminster

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    I have a dilema. SHould I moderate my own fiance or leave him to his dastardly attempts to cheer you up? I'm guessing i'll leave him to it. I think he has this theory that if he types the word 'c*ck' enough times then you will have absolutely no choice but to laugh.

    I shall slap him round the face with a wet fish and send him off to his friend who may be able to tolerate him in this mood more than I can.


    To Ben:
    I love you dearest but if you type the C word any more times then I will never give you bigday updates again and shall be forced to keep you in the rabbit hutch outside with Pyro. If I do relent and allow you inside then it will be early morning torture by kittens, small children and if I can find him on dvd then Jeremy Kyle non-stop for 48 hours. Be good my bad boy xxx
     
    poppleminster, Aug 30, 2010
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  14. iPrincess26

    poppleminster

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    I am half expecting that word in giant capitals - before you even think it Mr Willis, NO.
     
    poppleminster, Aug 30, 2010
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  15. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Popple and Ben - Thank you you wonderful, beautiful people - You are both right and while I am convinced he is depressed you are both right and he is both a coward and a co*k for not telling me to my face - i think that is what hurts most especially after last time. Ben you hit the nail on the head he is running away which we established last time is what he does he has faced a lot of crap in his life (parents died dad when he was 11 and mum just before his 17th- this led to hi marrying the girl he was with when he was 17 and they had a kid, she cheated on him, they had another kid when trying to make it work, she cheated again with teh same bloke and he just upped and left she sorted teh divorce and her affair was not sited as the reason. She then went on to move the bloke in with her, have a 3rd child with the affair bloke move him out spin a load of bullshit to Mac as a secret between her and him - we had been together a few years then and then she has for the past 7 yrs been a bad mother used the kids to get to him, constantly belittled and bitched at me and basically does things in front of the kids so if we said no we looked like the bad guys - and he has dealt with absolutely none of it!

    He doesn't talk and never has apparently in the one evening I got him to talk even when his dad died he didn't deal with it but he acted out and stuff but his mam had ms and his grandma lived with them and she was getting on and was a staunch evangelist and the family didn't talk - i know its no excuse for what he has done and his actions are those of the words used above and I will not take him back but I want to help him get sorted so that his poor children don't have to go through any more crap - its a wonder those two are as stable as they are!

    And well done Ben you made me smile! - May be I should just get together with your mate and then we will be sorted! lol If only it were that easy. xxx
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 30, 2010
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  16. iPrincess26

    MrsSA2B

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    We haven't talked much on here but I'm so sorry to hear this. I know that there is very little that any of us can say to make you feel better but we are all here for you. I do agree with the others that he is a coward for the way he has gone into hiding. You are coming across so strong and dealing with it all, you come across as an amazing person. My thoughts are with you xxx (((hug)))
     
    MrsSA2B, Aug 31, 2010
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  17. iPrincess26

    vhc

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    I'm sorry Amy.
    ;)

    I don't know what else to say.
     
    vhc, Aug 31, 2010
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  18. iPrincess26

    clarey1271

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    im really sorry to hear that hun. hes a wanker and you should deserve better then him my lovely. x
     
    clarey1271, Aug 31, 2010
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  19. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Thanks guys I just don't know what to do. Apparently he contacted his ex this morning (when he was due to get the kids) to say he would be away for a while so wouldn't be able to go for the kids but that is all she told me along with that she still had no way to contact him. Just need to speak to him face to face I have lots of questions I need answer too. In the mean time I have no idea what to do - one min I feel ok and think im fine I can cope with this, the next I am inconsolable in tears - I just don't know what has happened and whether the whole 7 yrs together has all been lies on his part and with no way of getting in touch I have no way of finding out unless he comes to me. I am hoping he will as he still has a key but half expecting that to turn up in the post tomorrow!
     
    iPrincess26, Aug 31, 2010
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  20. iPrincess26

    Becky

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    Oh my goodness, that is awful. You must be feeling so confused and upset, big hugs.

    I can only echo what everyone else has said - if he's going to act like a complete cowardly c*ck, you will be better off without him. You deserve so much more than what he can offer! Lifetime of worrying he will do the same thing again? No thanks!!

    Once things have settled down a bit, I really hope that he gets in touch so you can talk things through. Leaving you with unanswered questions will make it so much harder to move on.

    Big big hugs across cyberspace xxxxxxx
     
    Becky, Aug 31, 2010
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