Inviting The Ex?

Hey ladies,
I realise this is a harsh one for my first post but hubby-to-be and I are a bit stuck, so i thought I'd ask for some help on a forum. First try!

Anyway, I just wondered what the general consensus was on inviting his ex to our wedding? Long story short I met my fiancé through my best mate of 7 years (his ex, I know, big mistake!). They split up in Summer 2006 and I turned 18 in September 2006, after that my fiancé and I kept hanging around together with mates and in January 2008 we officially became a pair. My mate has always been civil about our relationship but because she ended their relationship my fiancé is not that way inclined. We've been engaged 3 years and the wedding is pretty much all sorted and ready to go minus a few things, this being one of them. I'd like to invite my friend to our wedding as she was the one who introduced us to one another (allbeit unintentionally). Everything is very friendly and it wouldn't be done to rub anyone's nose in the fact that me and her ex are together. She herself is happily married and more than happy for us. She's visited my family a few times and she's taken a very keen interest in our wedding plans, as a friend, not as a nosey intruder. I decided to try out a forum for this matter as most friends and family would swing for or against inviting her. If I do invite her, I'd only invite her to the reception anyway as we are having a small wedding for close friends and family. I've told my fiancé he doesn't have to speak to her or like her but I would like my friend at my wedding.

What do you think?

Thanks

FoosBoo88 xx

 

Welcome to the forums!

Hmmm that's a tricky one. Based on what you've said above, my initial reaction would be to invite her along... however if your fiance really didn't want her there then that makes things tricky. What are his feelings on the matter? Do you both see her socially in a group or not really?

 

Thankyou!

He's not keen on the idea as he feels she ended the relationship with no real cause and didn't give him chance. Despite me explaining that sometimes there is no real obvious reason to end a relationship, he's still not keen on inviting her. She still visits my family so I see her on occasion, but I moved out of the area 2 years ago so I don't really see her personally anymore. We do still speak on Facebook, though!

FoosBoo88

 

Honestly, male pride!!

It's a difficult call to make - 7 years is a long time ago so you would have thought it would be water under the bridge by now, but if he really doesn't want her there and you are not close to her any more then maybe don't invite her...

Are you inviting her to your hen do?

 

Telling me! She's matured a lot in 7 years and he's come a long way too, but he's still holding a bit of a grudge and I honestly can't see why. He's not keen but he can respect that she was my best friend throughout school. We're definitely very friendly when we see one another, we just both lead our own lives and don't really speak so much these days as I live nearly 5 miles away!

I'm not inviting her to the hen at present, purely on the basis I think it'd be cruel to invite any girl to a hen do then not even invite her to at least the reception!

FoosBoo88 xx

 

On balance I think you should invite her - you might regret not inviting her, and if your fiance says he'll put up with it then hold him to that 7 years for goodness sake!! He's marrying you, and if his pride is still dented from events all that time ago then surely he should relish the chance to rub her nose in it!

 

This is true, end of the day he is a changed man from all those 7 years ago and countless people have told me a lot of it comes down to the confidence I've given him. I honestly think he's holding a grudge over fate and he needs to get over it somehow. Yes she hurt him but it's a bit alarming for me that 7 years later he still can't get over the ex. I know I've ended relationships for no other reason than the fact it just simply felt wrong so even though she hurt my love I hold nothing against her. You can't help who you love!

FoosBoo88 xx

 

Normally I agree with Becky, but this time I won't! If you h2b doesn't want to invite her I think it should be his decision, she is his ex not yours. I know she is your friend but I think you both need to be in agreement over inviting exs. I wouldn't invite her unless he is happy to and he doesn't sound like he is happy about it. I'm sure if you said that was your reason then she would be happy with the decision, it doesn't mean you can't invite her round afterwards and show her your wedding photos etc. Are you splitting your day into ceremony, reception and evening? Maybe invite her along for the night do would be a compromise.

 

That was my original plan anyway. As much as I would love to invite her all day I think it'd be a bit too much of a hard blow to invite her to the enire event.

FoosBoo88 xx

 

My best man was a woman who, some years earlier, was also my fiancé.
The thing is that she was my best friend and so she was the obvious choice.
I've got to admit I got a certain amount of amusement from telling people who my best man was in the run up to my wedding too
I went to her wedding, helped her (now) husband pick up the wedding cake and generally made myself useful.

These things can work but the main point is, as you've already mentioned, how everyone feels.
If everyone's comfortable with it then great, I'm getting the feeling that they aren't though from your posts.
Ask yourself, do you want to invite her or do you just think you should?