Invited To A Wedding But Not Sure We Can Afford To Attend, Help Please?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by FoosBoo88, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. FoosBoo88


    Mar 11, 2013
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    Hey ladies,
    Hubby-to-be and I received a wedding invitation in the post last week to our friend's wedding. She's a lovely girl and we get on great with her, so it'd be a crying shame not to attend it. The problem is that it's not looking like we don't want to go to her wedding, but that we CAN'T. Let me explain..

    The wedding is near enough 2 months after ours. For the first fortnight of that we will be on honeymoon, that leaves 6 weeks to repair the huge holes in our pocket a wedding and a honeymoon have caused. The wedding itself is 90 minutes away by bus which alone will cost £14. The reception after that is about 50 minutes away, for which we will have to taxi (we don't know anyone else who is going and there's no arranged transport) which will cost at least a further £70-80. Drinks on top, call it a further £40, and a taxi home, plus a wedding gift. We're looking at about £250.

    Now, as much as I'd love to attend my friends wedding (and please here me out here, I would really like to go) I don't think we can afford to. Not only with money but the fact my Mum is not in a position to dogsit, so we'd have to find someone to look after the dog as well. Given the financials and the dog situation I suggested to hubby-to-be that we brought a gift and went to the wedding but left after that. Fine, but then I felt rotten about that too. I know as a bride-to-be I'd want to be able to speak to all my guests and I'd be a bit upset if someone left before I could say hi.

    This is why I'm beginning to wonder whether it would be kinder on my friend if we just declined the invitation? I'd be gutted if I had to, but I'd sooner do that and put the £14 bus far towards the wedding gift than turn up and leave early. I don't want to imply my friend is materialistic and feel even worse as she is attending our wedding, but I don't want to be scrounging off of others while we recover our finances and definitely don't want to give my friend the run around on her big day. I haven't spoken to her about it yet as I don't want to add one more stress to her, I know all too well what it feels like when loads of people want to ask or verify things with you!

    Thanks for reading

    FoosBoo88 xx
    FoosBoo88, Mar 14, 2013
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  2. FoosBoo88


    Apr 27, 2010
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    If I were you, I'd have an honest chat with your friend - as a bride to be herself I'm sure she will understand the financial strain!

    It does seem strange to have the reception so far away from the venue and to not help out with transport - I can understand that not every couple would want to go to the expense of hiring coaches to ferry people around, but they should surely understand that some people might need to share transport. I'm sure there would be someone who would be able to give you a lift, or alternatively there may be people in the same boat as you and you could club together and hire a minibus rather than each get taxis.

    I hope you do get to go - it would be such a shame otherwise!

    It is your presence not your present that matters, so I'm sure they wouldn't mind having a smaller gift if it meant you could share their day with them :)
    Becky, Mar 15, 2013
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  3. FoosBoo88


    May 1, 2010
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    Attending weddings can be very expensive, especially if you have to travel.

    Do you think you could ask your friend if you could car share with any of their other guests to the reception venue? There must be lots of other guests going between the two.
    Helen, Mar 15, 2013
  4. FoosBoo88


    May 13, 2010
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    West Midlands
    I would try the car share option. I don't like people keep questioning me about things so know how you feel about hassling others but with me it depends on what they're asking and if they appreciate that you have enough going on and that there's not a major rush to reply (I know there is an element of rush with RSVP dates but I think you'll know what I mean). Its when people expect an answer off you right away or think their question is top priority and should be yours too that I don't like (I've become a real Bridezilla and if anyone tries to change something I'm in a foul mood! Its against my nature normally! Even my future MIL doesn't speak to me about ideas or what she wants as she knows I'll bite back, she'll talk to H2B instead, which sometimes can be an even bigger problem!)

    Put it across as a possible issue and I'm sure she'll be fine with it and understand, people I find with weddings are more understanding than you think. I've had two of H2B's family who have questioned something, both were sisters and both had recently got partners. One asked if her partner could come and numbers were tight, so I said provided numbers are ok we have no problem with him coming along at all, but we are very tight with numbers, already going over the number we're allowed, so will get back to her, and she was so understanding, saying I know how difficult it is with numbers, I fully understand, no problem at all, the other wanted to know about her fiance and had told future MIL that if he can't go she wasn't going, or rather that was what I was told, and I passed her the same message as I did to her sister. She had actually said she couldn't go if her fiance couldn't go as she doesn't drive but he does and they're both in work at the same place so couldn't get the time off together, so it was purely transport and said they'd rather come after work and travel from Wales to the Midlands and get there around 8pm. They were totally understanding as they get married September 2014 and can't invite cousins (she's Chris' cousin) because of numbers, only to the evening so was perfectly happy with that. (H2B said there's chances of arguments in the family, but there's none!)

    Hope you get to go and all goes ok

    MrsGroves2B, Apr 22, 2013
  5. FoosBoo88


    Jun 6, 2013
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    I think you should go but not have a drink, maybe you will get a few free soft drinks for giving a free lift to the reception to other guests
    HEPPY1990, Jun 23, 2013
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