Help Please, Bridesmaid Issues!

Discussion in 'Emotional Support' started by iPrincess26, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Hey ladies I need some advice.

    I asked my two good friends (who are sisters) to be my bridesmaids and the agreed, the thing is that was a few months ago and I've barely heard from them since! We have met up once in the last 6 months (difficult as we are spread around the country) and that involved me taking a day off work as they told me they would be at their parents the day before they came up and I had to drive a 70mile round trip to meet and find out we had time for a cuppa before they were off to do something else. Then one of them was supposed to meet me to come to a wedding fayre and cancelled that morning (I ended up going on my own) finally we had arranged to meet for lunch on Dec 27th as we would both be at our folks and nearby again several days before they cancelled saying they had a family thing they had forgotten about and could we rearrange, I was a bit sick of them constantly cancelling at the last minute as they have done for the last year or so and said we had plans but if they could drive through to me then we could fit lunch in, I haven't heard fom either of them since.

    I am now wondering if I should still have them as bridesmaids as if I can't rely on them to meet for a chat how can I rely on them for anything to do with the wedding and panic that a few days before they might say they can't make it.

    I don't have many friends and theyre supposed to be my best ones, I have another friend who I can rely on who I could ask instead but how do I deal with the other two?

    The OH has suggested just not making any effort to contact them for the next 6 months and if I don't hear anything just discount them and ask the other friend and not say anything or invite them, as he doesn't want to see me keep getting upset when they let me down and doesn't want me stressing about them in the lead up to the wedding, but I would feel awful to just cut them out like that, what makes it worse is another of their friends got married in August and they did loads for her and were meeting her all the time, so what is wrong with me?

    Sorry to waffle on and bring you down any advice great fully accepted.
     
    iPrincess26, Dec 29, 2011
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  2. iPrincess26

    poppleminster

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    I'm tempted to agree with OH here and see if they make an effort. If they do re-arrange and contact you then cool but if they don't then perhaps leave it a month or so and tell them how you feel and ask if living so far away is an issue as you have someone closer that can be a bridesmaid and help with stuff as they don't seem to have time.

    xxxx
     
    poppleminster, Dec 29, 2011
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  3. iPrincess26

    ElmoGrace

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    I would say leave it a few months and see what you hear from them - if you hear nothing tell them how its making you feel. Explain that you would very much like them to be your bridesmaids but it does mean them helping you with planning and organising, and if they don't want that responsibility they can decide not to be included in the wedding party.

    However, I wouldn't say cut them out all together, me and my three bridesmaids (my best friends) all live in different counties, so meeting up and doing things together can sometimes happen no more often than twice in a year. Plus many times we have had other commitments arise or been ill so have had to cancel. Still, based on that I wouldn't exclude them, as I know they are making their own little efforts as we speak all the time.

    Have you tried just having a chat with them online or calling them to discuss things they can help you with?
     
    ElmoGrace, Dec 29, 2011
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  4. iPrincess26

    Zoe

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    I'll be your bridesmaid - I won't let you down :D
     
    Zoe, Dec 29, 2011
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  5. iPrincess26

    MrsC2Be

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    Im with Zoe! Im not close either but I'll happily come to a million wedding fayres with you (seriously!) Try not to let this upset you, there is nothing wrong with you, they probably haven't even realised they're being rubbish. Taking a step back from them will be a good move and if you have someone else you can ask who will support you and be around then ask her. Sorry they're making you feel poo, we should have a NW members trip to a wedding show :-D
     
    MrsC2Be, Dec 29, 2011
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  6. iPrincess26

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    i agree with all the above.

    Im having similar issues with my bridesmaids, i am so busy with Abi and they have college and work so our schedules dont match up very well but they seem to be able to make plenty of time for eachother.
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, Dec 30, 2011
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  7. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    Thanks ladies, think I'm going to give it a few months and see if I hear from them. ElmoGrace I have tried that, they don't really do online, if I call it tends to go to voicemail and isn't returned and even texts either get a response a week later or not at all! I know what advice I would give if I was reading this from someone else and can see exactly what I should do but they are supposed to be my friends so they will get this last chance!
     
    iPrincess26, Dec 30, 2011
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  8. iPrincess26

    MrsBrown

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    We could all come to your wedding and do a big day guard of honour!
     
    MrsBrown, Dec 30, 2011
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  9. iPrincess26

    MrsC2Be

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    love that idea Mrs B!
     
    MrsC2Be, Dec 30, 2011
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  10. iPrincess26

    MrsBrown

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    Oh what could we use to create the guard! Hold our lap tops above I princess and hubbies heads as they go under... ( imagining the look of panic in iprincess head at the thought of us all appearing ha ha)

    On a serious note... I agree with everyone. Wait see what happens. Try not to take it personally, it is their loss!
     
    MrsBrown, Dec 31, 2011
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  11. iPrincess26

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    Love it mrsbrown
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, Dec 31, 2011
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  12. iPrincess26

    iPrincess26

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    You are all more than welcome to appear ...........





    ..........but you pay for yourselves! ;)
     
    iPrincess26, Dec 31, 2011
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  13. iPrincess26

    Becky Administrator

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    I'm sorry to hear that you have been going through this :( It sounds like all the effort is coming from you, so it will be interesting to see what happens if you stop contact for a while. For your sake I hope it kicks them into action!

    Are they old friends of yours? One of my best friends has always been rubbish at keeping in touch. We've had our ups and downs over the years, but the ups have always been good which is why I asked her to be my bridesmaid. Shortly after that things became difficult with her again, and I was in two minds about whether I'd made the right decision. However we had a chat and both said we wanted to make sure we put in more effort to see each other, and looking back I am so pleased that she was my bridesmaid because I know we'll be friends for a long time.

    I know it's a difficult decision, but I'd definitely recommend having a chat with them about how you feel. The best approach might be to focus on the good rather than negatives - eg you have a good time when you see each other and you really wish it happened more often.

    Big hugs xxxx
     
    Becky, Jan 2, 2012
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  14. iPrincess26

    Helen

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    Have you considered selling tickets?! That is what my husband wanted to do!!! :lol:
     
    Helen, Jan 3, 2012
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    Becky likes this.
  15. iPrincess26

    lauriex

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    Ahhhhh bridesmaid trouble - I've had my fair share of that!! The other ladies that agree with your OH are completely right. My OH said the same thing to me as Im in a similiar situation with 2 of my 3 BMs. So, Im just hanging on to see what happens. I know it will get to the 6months before the wedding and they'll be round me like flies on sh*t (pardon the expression, its just really annoyed me!!)
    I reckon I was a bit premature in selecting my BMs, a decision I now regret making. The only BM I am 100% happy with is my FBIL's girlfriend!

    Fingers crossed you get sorted with your 2 best mates :) xx
     
    lauriex, Jan 3, 2012
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