Groomsman Trouble (Warning: Long Post)

Hey folks,
I just wondered if anyone has had any trouble with the male side of your wedding party? I've spoken to my parents already about this and it turns out we're not alone- my Dad fired his Best Man the day before their wedding! Anyway, I just thought I'd pop a post up here and see if anyone has encountered a similar problem, and how you handled it?

We have 4 men on the groom's side, excluding his Dad. Our Best Man and 2 of the ushers are legendary and mean and do everything they say they will. The other usher is causing everyone a lot of unnecessary stress and I'm beginning to wonder what to do about him. My head says fire him but I'm well aware that "firing" members of the wedding party is a bit of a taboo subject. I'll refer to the ushers here as G,J & B.

It all started with when we enlisted our Best Man. There was no question about it and both hubby-to-be and I had picked out the same man before we'd even talked about the wedding party. G&J were equally chosen without hesitation and B was not asked as although he is my will-be father-in-law's godson, my fiancé hardly sees or speaks to him. Within weeks of sorting out our men B began giving our Best Man a hard time. He couldn't understand why he hadn't been appointed as Best Man as he'd known my fiancé longest.

Roll on some months and I got back in touch with an old school friend, we've been inseparable now we live 5 minutes from one another and get on far better than we did back in school. I've already got a chief bridesman and 2 bridesmaids, but she's helped me so much I begged my other half to let her be up there with me. It was all agreed and hubby-to-be reluctantly said he would enlist B so that he felt like he was part of our wedding. B took it like someone told him his hamster died- he hardly looked excited about it at all!

A few weeks later we had to give notice the day before my birthday and arranged a group gathering at the wedding venue so our wedding party got first glance at the venue (it's in a public building with a park, so there was no problem with us showing off!). Unknown to me my Mum decided to mark the occasion and showed up with a chocolate cake. Everyone was laughing and talking and enjoying the occasion, but B was sat at the back of the group and scarcely spoke to anyone.

Our Best Man has organised the stag do and of all transport methods he's found that a train would be the most viable option. There is the option of flying, but it will cost the lads an extra £80 each and hubby-to-be hates heights. G&J are more than happy, but B doesn't want to waste time on a train and would rather fly. He was told he can make his own arrangements and they'll all meet up, but he wouldn't have it. He's now caused the lads so much stress that none of them are particularly keen on him going on the stag do at all.

Suit shopping a few weeks ago and all the lads settled and agreed on a suit. We ourselves paid £60 towards each suit and told the lads if they wanted a dearer one they would have to pay the extra. They all settled on a suit but B was so determined the suit was too expensive he wanted to go to a pub across town to think about it. When they did all settle on a suit that was £30 more, B didn't have any money on him so G bailed him out with the agreement B would pay him back. To date, he still hasn't. He also stressed out our Best Man and my other half by spending the first part of the journey whining unneccessarily about the stag do.

Hubby-to-be managed to frighten me and our Best Man earlier by stating it would be better to put up with B than the sulk it would cause in firing him. I've already been scared stiff of B becoming a liability at our wedding and it's a pressure none of the lads (or anyone else) need. B has a track record of being late and I've already got it on my list of wedding worries, it's not something I should need to worry about at all.

Sorry this is so long but I thought it might help for other Big Day members to have the full picture. Has anyone else had any experience with this sort of predicament? I realise as the bride I don't really have too much power.

Thanks for reading!

FoosBoo88 xx

 

I know it is hard to do but I would try not to worry about it. Let him get on with his sulking, let the others try and extract the money he owes them and leave them to it. He may get better the closer you get to the wedding.

If he becomes a huge pain then you and your h2b may wish to 'fire' him. Can you get your FIL to have a word with him? You have to remember that if he is in the wedding party he will be in your wedding photos forever, if you don't want him there then don't let him be involved.

 

It's not the sulking that bothers me, it's the unreliability and the fact he's dragging everyone else down, too. Our Best Man has been quite sharp with him because of his whining and he's one of those people who almost finds it impossible to be harsh!

FIL has been sort of 'ordered' to have a word with him. Not literally, but I think our Best Man saw how concerned I was about B's behaviour. This is precisely it now, we have 8 weeks to the wedding, Ii need him to shape up or step down. We've been planning our wedding for 3 years, it's too special and significant to run the risk of him causing any sour feelings now.

FoosBoo88xx

 

What a pain! I know it's difficult, but try not to let him get to you too much... the role of ushers at a wedding is very minimal so if you are worried about his unreliability then just don't give him any responsibilities. Hopefully with both the best man and FIL having a word with him will be enough of a wake up call.