Explaining Yesterdays Status!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ilovepink1984, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. ilovepink1984

    ilovepink1984

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    Thought I would let you all know what my good/bad news was yesterday rather than updating on my status as it would be too long!!

    One of H2bs close friends is in the Royal Navy and doing really well. Hes on course to be one of the youngest ever Admirals at 40 (hes currently just turned 27) which gives you an immediate knighthood. He's currently a Lieutenant and is a ships Navigator I've become really close with him and we chat most days. Hes Alfies godfather - he turned up in full Navy uniform - yum yum! Had a few of my friends get all giggly!! Anyway, he has recently become a sub-mariner, navigating submarines. This means hes under water with no contact for up to 9 months and his first post was in July meaning he would miss our wedding :lol: We were all really upset about it but it comes with his job and he has missed a lot of family weddings/events because hes been in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mike wanted him to be best man but just not possible. However, he failed his medical recently and won't be posted on the submarine. The good news is that he gets to attend our wedding (altho now we have the dilemma whether to have him as an usher as H2b originally wanted him as a best man) and we are all thrilled ut we are really worried about him. He failed because something is wrong with his heart - so obviously not good going under water for any length of time! - but hes not saying how serious it is. He sounds really down and just not himself. Its really going to hinder his career as this problem will affect other options for him too - ie. being a navigator on a normal ship which he was before. He doesn't want to be stuck in an office doing paperwork for the Navy and I think hes really worried bout his career and his health. On top of that he found out his gf was cheating on him - her excuse that she never saw him - well hes in the Navy love!! Always found her hard to get along with anyway as shes an extremely jealous person. Shes jealous of me talking to him and hugging him and shouted abuse at me once for it - hello, I have 2 children, am getting married and your bf is my sons godfather! Good riddance really, but its not the best timing for him.

    Anyway, thought I'd update so you werent' worrying about me - we are all fine just need to support him through this now and hope everything turns out well xxx
     
    ilovepink1984, Jun 17, 2010
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  2. ilovepink1984

    juliak

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    Poor chap, gosh talk about it never rains, it pours!
    First off what a silly cow the gf sounds, if you find it that hard to be with someone with a job that obviously takes them away, alhough I appreciate it can be difficult, get out of it if you really care, don't cheat. He's well rid, and funny that she was the jealous one eh????
    I really feel for your friend and I imagine the reason he won't divulge much is due to pride, worry and generally being a man! Is there a chance he'd talk to your h2b if they went for a beer or something???
    He's probably feeling shellshocked himself as he's obviously worked very hard and at such a young age to get where he is and follow what he wants to do.It might be that it is quite a minor problem, obviously the Navy have to cover their backs and that of their employees, and he feels that it really is nothing to worry about!
    I think it would be nice if you could fit him into your wedding, but I wouldn't feel pressured to as he's obviously quite aware of his work absences etc. It may give him something to look forward to.
    It sounds as if you and h2b are very supportive, caring and loyal friends to him and all you can do is continue with that and keep the lines of communication open with him, invite him over for bbq's etc if poss. It's a shame that through no fault of his own his well planned out career is affected and from my experience it does seem to affect servicemen/women harder than civvies generally, so it's understandable he feels low.
    The only advice I can give is be there, he sounds like a great godfather, maybe he can spend a little time with Alfie.
    You're very sweet for worrying about him!
    xxx
     
    juliak, Jun 17, 2010
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  3. ilovepink1984

    ilovepink1984

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    Thanks for the reply Julia. It is strange that she is the jealous one isn't it?! She knew what he was involved with when she met him and must have accepted that there would be long absences but she obviously hasn't been able to handle it. I know it must have been hard for her and for all service wives and gfs but its something you have to learn to live with I suppose and you cant help who you fall in love with. I'm not sure I would be able to cope with it. I don't like not hearing from him when hes in a war zone etc and we're just friends so it must be at least twice as bad if it was your loved one! He is well rid of her but he could have done with her shoulder to cry on at this time and the opposite has happened!

    I think he is a bit shellshocked to be honest. Hit him for six. He was expecting to pass his medical as usual and this came as a shock. I know he'll bounce back but I think he'd also prepared himself for being out of contact with everyone he loves for 9 months and had had leaving parties (he was due to submerge at beginning of July) and now its all come crashing down. Hopefully it is minor but the Navy are very strict so have told him he will be going nowhere until the new year. He is very disciplined with his career for someone so young and had it all mapped out and hes finding it hard not knowing where hes going at the mo. Hes still on board the sub which is docked in Plymouth (we are near Oxford) doing duties and is waiting to hear what the rest of the year has in store. He might be put on sick leave or a long holiday or worse - stuck on land doing paperwork. Poor guy, its stalled his career that he loves so much. Hes such a lovely person and a great role model for Evie and Alfie so its hard to see him so low. Evie absolutely adores him and hes incredibly good with both of them. He had already decided never to have his own children as he is so career orientated and wouldn't want to leave them at home for such long absences, but he dotes on our two. Hes left his military sword in his will to Alfie. Scary thought that he has a will at 27 but I suppose he has to be prepared in his line of work.

    Hopefully hes coming to stay with us next weekend. Good chance for him to relax and take his mind off things and we are always ready for him to confide in us when hes ready to. Hes in Plymouth at the mo so about 2 hrs away. If hes put on sick leave he'll probably go back home to Middlesbrough (where h2b is from) which is 4 hrs away but he knows he is always welcome here and we will be in Middlesbrough for a couple of weeks inJuly in the school holidays as in laws live there, so he can spend lots of time with the kids then.

    Thanks for your advice again. I think h2b would like him as a second best man if he can, but we'll have to see how the other best man feels (should be fine with it as hes a lovely guy too and h2b was his best man last year) and how much more suit hire etc will be but hopefully we can get him involved. Hes already asked to do a reading in Church for us as hes deeply religious and it would mean a lot to him and to us. xxx
     
    ilovepink1984, Jun 17, 2010
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  4. ilovepink1984

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Oh bless him!!! How can that witch be that cruel to him? Sorry but as yo say she started going out with him knowing he was in the navy so if you can't handle it don't get involved!!! Poor love!
    Really glad he has some fantastic friends in you & h2b and its so good he has your kids to dote on so hopefully when he can visit it will take his mind off it. Have to say things happen for a reason.
    When my Grandad was young he was in the navy as a chef during the war. He was meant to go aboard a ship & failed his medical so was not allowed on. That ship actually sunk a few weeks later so as I say eberything happens for a reason. Not that I hope anything happens to the sub he should have been on but you know what a I mean.
    Give him big bridal hugs from all of us xxxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 17, 2010
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  5. ilovepink1984

    Becky

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    Aw that must be such a terrible situation for him to be in - no wonder you're worried about him! I hope the health problem isn't anything major, he sure seems to have life planned out and that would be scuppered. Although part of me thinks (from what you've said) that he would make a wonderful Dad, and maybe it would be all for the best if he ends up finding another career he enjoys that allows him to have a family.

    There's no rules against there being 'Best Men' - why not have two? They could look after a ring each and do a speech together!

    I hope you have a lovely weekend with him :)
     
    Becky, Jun 17, 2010
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  6. ilovepink1984

    poppleminster

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    Glad he has good friends like you and your h2b to look after him :) Sorry you're going through the stress but if anyone can keep his morale up, it's you by the sounds of it :eek: xxx
     
    poppleminster, Jun 17, 2010
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  7. ilovepink1984

    ilovepink1984

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    Thanks guys :). Becky - he would make an absolutely fantastic Dad but I also totally respect his decision to not have them and leave someone at home looking after them and hardly ever seeing them. It must have been a tough decision to make.

    Mrsg - gosh that was lucky for your Grandad! I too believe things happen for a reason and I think he needs time to look at the bigger picture after the shock has worn off.

    He called last night and talked to me and h2b. He sounded much chirpier bless him. He was saying its because he had mentally prepared himself for the 9 months no contact and was due to sail next week so he doesn't know what to think/feel now. And the uncertain future is playing on his mind. If he needs long term medication for whatever turns out to be wrong with him its likely he will have to leave the Navy as hes away for such a long time drs cant prescribe for that long without checkups which he wont be able to get. Looks like he'll be getting a long paid holiday for foreseeable future. Hes trying to be optimistic tho and he never fails to amaze me. Shame all you lovely ladies are getting married, he'd be a perfect hubby if you could put up with the distance?!! Only known him for 3 years but love him to bits - in a purely platonic way of course!!!

    xxx
     
    ilovepink1984, Jun 18, 2010
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  8. ilovepink1984

    poppleminster

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    Sometimes a shock in life can be a change for the good when put into context long term. He's rid of the nasty girlfriend and can explore things that weren't open to him before, maybe a non-seafaring position in the navy. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy in 2000 just after my son was born and it was awful but made sense. Suddenly I didn't have to explain why I am so tired all the time and made the decision never to attempt to work full-time again whilst the children were little as I had no quality of life at all. I also decided to write more and study things i'd always wanted to but never had the time. I can't describe it but when something affects your health suddenly, you find ways to cope and trength you never knew you had and you live within your means.

    Maybe this break time for him will open a door in another area of his life that he hadn't seen before. I hope so. Sounds like he deserves it :)
     
    poppleminster, Jun 18, 2010
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