Essential Things For A Bride To Remember On Her Big Day..

Discussion in 'Planning your Wedding' started by poppleminster, May 25, 2010.

  1. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    I thought it might be a good idea to have a list of what to remember on the big day, humerously of course. I apologise in advance if this is utter nonsense, I just love writing silly things!


    Firstly, this is your day. You are the star, the blushing bride, you will be glowing, radiant (this may have another meaning if you live near a nuclear power station - but at least you'd save on lighting in the marquee), be standing at the alter / hall, turn to face your beloved (at this point check it is actually your beloved and not a cheap immitation), and say your vows.

    Before you say the famous words 'k m8', or, 'I do' for those more british than brit-text-generation then there are a few things you should remember.

    1. Have you slept with everyone you fancy? Marriage is a big step. If you're still up for it with the gorgeous blonde bloke that looks like a cross between Brad Pitt on a rough day and Gordon Brown on a good day then marriage is NOT a good idea. Go home, get jiggy with Brad, get therapy for fancying Gordon and then come back at a later date. The man you face is the man you'll be with for the rest of your life. Make sure he's the one BEFORE getting to the alter!

    2. Are you wearing knickers? My mother told me never to leave the house without knickers incase you get run over by a bus. Not that many brides are in the habit of crossing busy roads, veil in tow and heels clattering but you never know when a stray bus may just arrive and knock you over. If you're not wearing knickers then your mother will most likely be very disapproving. If you don't get the logic in this, neither do I but my mother was very adamant about the whole wearing knickers and bus thing so GO HOME AND GET THEM ON!

    3. Did you turn the cooker off? If you didn't the gas will fill the house and it'll blow up so make sure you do this before leaving the house, even if you didn't cook anything. Another very useful tip from my mothers era. If however you have an electric cooker, go and check the fuse box or omething just o that you are not excluded from this section.

    4. Are you wearing:
    Something old - a hessian sack or an ancient was-once-white-but-went-grey-in-the-wash sports bra would do but maybe not that suitable for the occassion. Try an old pair of knee high stripey socks or perhaps an old thick nylon vest to keep you comfy and warm under that strapless dress. After all, we were all told to wear vests to keep warm a a child.

    Something new - the posh dress that probably cost you more than the mortgage will do.

    Something borrowed - this does not mean stolen. Pinching your best mates last pack of new stockings will not count!

    Something blue - navy blue PE knickers or a hand knitted blue tank top would be lovely. Even better if it has Thomas the Tank Engine on.

    5. The photos, ensure your life-size cutout figure is ready posed so that you and the groom can sneak off for a kip whilst the wedding line-up pics are taken. Just remember to remove the cutouts when you return and worry if people comment on your social and conversational interactions!

    6. Eat cake. Even if this means elbowing great aunty frieda out of the way in an ugly rugby tackle. If you don't get a piece soon it'll be all gone and you'll never get the chance again!

    7. Remember all those people are coming because they are happy for you. Either that or they felt obliged as your parents randomly sent out invites!

    Good luck fellow brides, be bold, be brave and be beautiful! xxxx
     
    poppleminster, May 25, 2010
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  2. poppleminster

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    lol that is great[​IMG]

    i have finally found someone that is almost as nutty as me (no offence)[​IMG]
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, May 25, 2010
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  3. poppleminster

    Becky Administrator

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    Ha ha brilliant! [​IMG]
     
    Becky, May 25, 2010
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  4. poppleminster

    Mrsg2b2011

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    LOL absolutely fab!!! [​IMG] x
     
    Mrsg2b2011, May 25, 2010
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  5. poppleminster

    ilovepink1984

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    This made me laugh so much! Brilliant. Its great to see a humourous side to things so many people get stressed about! Thanks for the laugh [​IMG] xxx
     
    ilovepink1984, May 25, 2010
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  6. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    What will really make me laugh is if any of you actually get to the front door and think 'Gordon - check, knickers - check, cooker - check , thomas the tank engine blue vest - check' before you leave!!! :)
     
    poppleminster, May 25, 2010
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  7. poppleminster

    Becky Administrator

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    What do you mean, I do that every day!! [​IMG]
     
    Becky, May 26, 2010
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  8. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    sshhhhhhhhhh everyone but Becky fancies Gordon Brown. (not that I woke up in a childish mood or anything) :)
     
    poppleminster, May 26, 2010
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  9. poppleminster

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    childish moods are the best, it makes the day so much more fun.
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, May 26, 2010
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  10. poppleminster

    Mrswalton2be

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    That is great! [​IMG]
     
    Mrswalton2be, May 26, 2010
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  11. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    I'm considering writing a guide for the groom now and perhaps 'how to tame your mother in law' LOL

    Luckily I have a future awesome mother-in-law but from some of the stories on the net I am lucky!
     
    poppleminster, May 26, 2010
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  12. poppleminster

    ilovepink1984

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    Ooh, yes please! Especially the 'how to tame your mother in law'! I really like her but she has some mad tendencies and has a foul temper when she doesn't get her way!
     
    ilovepink1984, May 26, 2010
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  13. poppleminster

    MrsBoucher2B2012

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    My H2B could do with that my mother is a nightmare at times, however his mum is fantastic and we get on great.
     
    MrsBoucher2B2012, May 26, 2010
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  14. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    For ilovepink1984 lol. [​IMG]

    How to tame your mother-in-law.

    MIL's are a strange breed, one day you may find yourself in the same position that your MIL is in now. Before we begin in earnest, consider this scenario:

    Your son. Your darling, darling little cherub that would still be living at home and wearing rainbow coloured dungarees if only he'd listen, has called to say he's coming for Sunday lunch. Yippeee, he might even bring washing! Since his independence and assertiveness grew, his personality has entirely changed and him coming round for his mums sunday dinner, which we all know will always be the best, is a good sign. He must want to move back home. You cheerily banter over the telephone about how lovely it will be to see him and then his final words sink in. "Thanks mum, i'll bring Candi".

    Did you hear him correctly? Did he say he was bringing sweets in american slang or a girl? A girl. A GIRL! Surely not. No girl could be called Candi and no girl would be coming round for Sunday lunch. What is she were prettier and more succesful than you at her age? What if he adores her so much he wants to, to... oh you can't say it, the thought is too horrible. What if he wants to let her darn his socks? Oh how terrible. Is she pretty - good for breeding stock but bad for distracting him from that new job. What if she's butt ugly? Bad for breeding stock but good for ensuring she'll be faithful as he'd be so grateful to be with him she'll stay and put up with him sleeping diagonally across the bed and snoring.

    So. The girl turns up, she's lovely, you're not sure if this is good or bad and then they drop the bombshell. They look into each others eyes and he confirms he has asked her to marry him. Up until this point you've felt the most important woman in his life. You know what's best for him, you're his mother. When he was little he ran to you for cuddles, he smiled at you, he asked advice from you. Now you have to let go and allow 'Candi' to be his closest confidante emotionally and physically. Gulp.

    They make plans. It's not the wedding you'd wanted but it's their day and you try to co-operate but you really do need to put your foot down when Candi strikes the local retired postman off the list just because you son can't even remember his name. Mr Postie knew your son daily when he was a nipper and you can't imagine a wedding without him there to observe your little cherub all grown up. It's the same with the old neighbours, the couins he saw once when he was 3 and the friends of yours that used to coo over your photos of him declaring his 'photogenic awe' then sniggering sneakily when your back was turned. You want them all to see how grown up he is and how lovely Candi is depite being called Candi with an i.

    Candi just doesn't realise how things work. You make the decisions in your sons life with him. Of course he doesn't want to upset her which will be why he supports her (growl) but someone has to 'help' her organise things or the wedding will be a mess. How lucky they are to have you to remember old smelly uncle gilbert needs to be added to the list!


    So. How does one tame such a being? It's not that difficult provided the following points are always accepted by the bride:

    1. MIL is right. Of coure she is you daft girl. She's his mother.
    2. MIL probably likes you, unless her darling son is rebelling and punishing her for ending him to cubs as a child and therefore marrying you for your unsuitability.
    3. MIL is still right.
    4. Understand this, MIL invites people you and your partner dislike / don't know / don't want to the wedding because either it's 'proper' or she wants to show them that her son is all grown up and share that with them. Not a bad thing for her but potentially a nightmare for you. The way round this is to be firm but gentle. Words like 'for goodness sake butt out and leave me to it' are unwise but 'thanks so much for the ideas, I wish we could accommodate your sons old primary school teacher / your entire church congregation / person you randomly met at a bus top and showed a photo of him when he was 6, but we're sticking to close friends and family only. We really want to share our big day with you and FIL rather than people we don't know well and that would take our time from talking to you and I know that your son is desperate to pend some of the day with you', might be an idea.
    5. MIL is not evil, she is sad and happy at the same time. Include her in trivial things. Make her in charge of something, even if it's utterly rubbish like ' napkin folding ideas'. Every little bit helps.
    6. Really, she is not evil. Well, not 100 per cent.
    7. Honestly she's not.
    8. Ok so maybe she is a bit evil but that's the job of MIL's. Without them, you'd never appreciate the little pleasures of organising your wedding so much. To tame the beast, you have to understand it and that requires empathy, patience and, gulp, communication with smiley face at the end of texts.



    There is an alternative to the MIL. Get married THEN tell her !!!!! [​IMG]


    Please excuse any stereotypes, thi is written in jest and not about anyone or their MIL!

    xx
     
    poppleminster, May 26, 2010
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  15. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    Apologies for not being politically correct, by nature, we're not politically correct :)
     
    poppleminster, May 26, 2010
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  16. poppleminster

    vhc

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    love it!

    more more!! :)
     
    vhc, May 26, 2010
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  17. poppleminster

    ilovepink1984

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    Haha, thanks for another laugh!! That sums up my MIL!! She is actually a lovely woman and we get along really well but the wedding has turned her into a dragon. Like you said, long lost relatives H2B met when he was about 2 have bee put on her 'essential' list for attending the wedding...err, no! She also wants to invite about 5 'family' friends - 'numbers permitting!'. H2B has never met 3 of these 'family' friends!! I know its because she wants to show off - mainly her outfit probably - but its so annoying! She is Scottish too so keeps suggesting scottish traditions we must have even though she will be the only Scot there - apparently we MUST have a ceilidh, groomsman MUST wear kilts etc. NO!! She gets a bit grumpy every time we say no to her suggestions but then she phones again the next day wth more!! Bless her.
     
    ilovepink1984, May 26, 2010
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  18. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    If you like them then i'll work on some more until I have the entire wedding party written up. I miss writing and I miss working since I moved to Exeter and it's fun to do something amusing. :)
     
    poppleminster, May 26, 2010
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  19. poppleminster

    Becky Administrator

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    Ha ha that really made me laugh! [​IMG]

    Are you a writer?
     
    Becky, May 26, 2010
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  20. poppleminster

    poppleminster

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    Haven't been for a long time but used to be once in the days when I had time! I still write occaionally for people but rarely get asked, so many people are good at it and I can neither spell or punctuate particularly well so am not in demand! I don't get interviews for jobs I want because I am not formally qualified, I have lots of random odd qualifications but nothing sensible like a degree. I'm working towards one on the OU and am at college doing an access course which is boring me senseless but i'll get there one day.

    I'm one of those beings that are painfully tortured in life, a writer with no work :(

    So... anything you want writing or researched for the site and i'm happy to help. If it passes the time and it's about weddings then I am a fluffyhappybunny! :)
     
    poppleminster, May 26, 2010
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