Does Everyone Have A Friend Like This?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Ok, so I was't sure where to post this as I am over it so don't really need emotional support but I was posting on a thread earlier & got chatting to a couple of you about how we all had 'that sort of friend'.
    I am starting a post on this, not so we can slate people but because we were taking over someone elses post with it which I didn't think was fair.

    Anyway this is my ex best friend who I have known since I was 4. We went to primary school & college together. We went to different secondary schools, thank goodness in hindsight!!! She hated me having other friends so I didn't keep in touch with anyone from school, thank god for Facebook!

    Ok so she has always been an attention seeker. She has taken several overdoses & then phoned me to say she was going/had done it. She never took enough pills to do anything so I hope you don't think I am being heartless but she is an attention seeker. Yes ok something bad happened when we were children not going into details but you either pick yourself up & move on as I did. Or blame everything bad in your life on that. Even though you have the power to change it!

    Anyway she would never go out just stay in with her mum. Fair enough I didn't either I used to just go & see her round there I am not a pubbing sort of person so that didn't bother me but she was just so childish all the time. She has been seeing professionals regarding the od's & selfharming which are scratches on her arms. She flitted from one job to another before eventually not working at all & claiming sick pay. Eventually she went back to work as everyone got sick of her sponging all the time.
    Before all this she just lied all the time. It was a matter of boy cried wolf. So much so that when something bad did happen no one believed her and she actually wanted me to lie in court for her!!! Needless to say I didn't but I know another of her friends (yes she was allowed other friends) did!!! :)

    Ok so then I get with Mark & she tells me she loves me as in LOVES me. I made a hasty exit & our friendship died off a bit after that! I still kept in touch bearing in mind it has always been a one sided friendship, she never made the effort. My SIL invited her to her hen do to try & get her more involved she turned up for a weekend in Leeds with NO money!!! :angry: :angry: She had already been invited to the wedding. 3 days before she messaged my SIL through FB & said she wan't coming!! She knew other people at the wedding & she was all up for it as wanted to meet one of Marks mates!!!
    When I fell pregnant with Ryan she took a pic of my scan picture. Didn't think anything of it until one of my work mates told me she had put it on Facebook! She then didn't speak to me when I asked her to take it down!!! When I then had Ryan I text her to say I was in labour then when he was born I said he is ok a month early so in SCABU & it was an all natural birth. All she text back was how many stitches did you have??? WTF??? My son is in special care!!! :blink: :blink:
    She didn't come to the hospital once to see him & didn't see him till he was nearly 2 weeks old. Ok she doesn't drive but my mum & dad live 3 minutes walk from her house. All she had to do was ask & they would have brought her over with them & she has known them for years so its not as if she is shy with them.
    When she did visit or I visted her I never left him alone with her just had a gut instinct that I shouldn't.
    I had a naming ceremony & joint 1st birthday for Ryan in January & she knew since long before christmas that she was invited. 2 days before she text me& said she couldn't come as she had an eye appointment in London, on a Saturday!!! I just didn't reply. What could I say? She then put on FB that she went Tuesday not Saturday
    She then text again a week later & said I take it you are not talking to me then? I said yes but why lie, she said she wasn't blah blah blah. By this stage I had just had enough.

    Acouple of weeks before that btw her cousin had a girl who they hadn't decided a name, well it was going to be Violet but they were unsure. When I was pregnant with Ryan we had Lacie-Rae if he had been a girl (Rae after Marks dad who is no longer with us). Anyway they couldn't decide on a name so asked everyones opinions including hers & lo & behold the baby is called..............................Lacie May!!! Funny that considering she was one of the only people to know what name we had chosen for a girl! Ok I know I don't own that name but loved it because it was origional.

    Anyway didn't here anything about her but she send me a bday card in March & wrote on my FB wall so in April I did the same. Sent her a card, went to write on her wall & she had deleted me!!! Mind you shows how bothered I was as I hadn't noticed till then!! :lol: :lol:!!

    So that is it our 23 year friendship is officially over! I was a bit upset at 1st I suppose but it was always a one sided friendship, I had to do all the running, all the takingto the hospital when she drunk herself practically in a coma. She would say to this day her drink was spiked but the nurse at the hospital assured me it wasn't!!
    I am sorry of you think I am a bitch but I am glad I have it all down now & look forward to some neutral comments as obviously all my friends & family are biased so see it from my point of view.
    But since she has deleted me off FB her mum has been messaging me loads in a nice way just seeing how mw & Ryan are. I have always had a good relationship with her mum & my mum reckons its vbecause she knows her daughter is in the wrong but obviously you are going to side with your own xxx

    Sorry for going on about nothing really but I just wondered if anyone else has this sort of friend or if I should have done more to make the friendship work..?....

    Hope it all makes sense....
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  2. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    Woah there sweetie did I just read that last comment right ...'should I have done more to make the friendship work?' NOOOOOOO.
    You did what you could and unfortunately some of your actions would have reinforced her behaviour, I believe she has a personality disorder ( I say 'believe' as I am not a doctor and am not trying to diagnose her but with my background working with mental health i'd say she's exhibiting a lot of the typical behaviours of someone with a PD). I just think it's a shame that you sometimes felt inadequate as a friend when you were being more than supportive, loyal and caring towards her.
    Needless to say I can still understand why it would have been initially quite saddening, it is a long time, but think how you'd react if you met someone like her now - you wouldn't spend 23 years with them would you. Take it as one of those 'lifes rich tapestry experiences' and move on without a backward thought.
    You sound like a wonderful friend, mother and fiancee and i'm glad you felt able to tell us about this and you seem to have moved on.
    I want to give you a big hug now!
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  3. Mrsg2b2011

    poppleminster

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    I haven't had this length of friendship but did have similar when I was younger.

    Robert was a year younger than me and had been really ill with glandular fever for a year causing him to be pale, desperately thin and having been in bed for a year, had no friends around. I met him when he was walking in the park one day and from that day on we were solid friends for a few years. We were so close but looking back, it was always me sorting out his issue, his suicide attempt (which turned out to be a lie), his money issues, his lovelife (or lack of it) and pretty much organising him and asuring him all the time that he was lovely - which he was. My mother had recently died and I needed him as much as he needed me, he kept me busy and he gave me a reason to exist at a time when all else went horribly wrong.

    I have a few people in my life that I would travel the earth to keep safe if they needed me. They'd be suprised to hear this as I don't have regular contact and I guess people don't really believe how loyal friends can be. I'd have done this for Rob and possibly still would.

    Rob got better over two years and went back into education, put on weight and I was so pleased for him. adly though, it meant he no longer needed me. All the times I should have probably told him to go away and stop telling lies to people and sort himself out yet he was the one that ended the friendship. I'd forgiven him time and time again because he wasn't a bad person, just couldn't organise himelf and lied to cover up his insecurities.

    Perhaps what you are feeling is similar? You could have ended the friendship so many times but didn't and when it came to it, she took the initiative and deleted you. I was really hurt when Rob went from seeing me rarely to not seeing me at all and then ignoring me. He's on facebook and I asked him to be my friend hoping to find out he'ok and happy in life but he never responded. That hurt for some reason.

    Sometimes when you've seen people at their worst, they cut you off to move forward. Nothing you've done wrong, just their coping mechanims.
     
    poppleminster, Jun 15, 2010
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  4. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Aaah thanks hun its just nice to know that I did try. When I look at all I have posted I wonder how on earth I put up with it so long.!!! Defo agree with you that she has a PD think thats why I tried for so long!! Didn't want to bore everyone but had to stop hijaccking everyone elses posts lol xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  5. Mrsg2b2011

    poppleminster

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    I should add, you could not have done anything more than you did. I agree with the above post about her having a personality disorder. We all have quirks but what you describe is on the scale of a PD. Sadly few are ever actually diagnosed :)
     
    poppleminster, Jun 15, 2010
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  6. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Thanks Popple I really relate to what you aresaying. I was nodding in agreement when you said about her ending the freindship not me. Think thats why it bugged me for so long!! Atleast I know I don't have that worry with Ryan anymore.

    Are you ok with him not responding? I can see why that must have really hurt! You poor thing I know you say its a defense mechanism but wonder if he would try to pick you back up if he hit a low again. Its just a shame they feel they can oly use us when they need us but never be there for us when we need them. I am so sorry you have lost your mum too hun big hugs xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  7. Mrsg2b2011

    poppleminster

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    Thanks my lovely bride-to-be friend! It really hurts that he is now very successful and very gorgeous and fit and has lots of friends when none of them cared when he was suicidal and low. It's similar with my ex MIL. Her son died and she broke down, I left my job at BT and moved in to run the house as she couldn't even remember her own name. I was really careful not to be imposing and just did cleaning and cooking and paying the bills to keep pressure off her. When she got better she went into denial - as did Rob - and I was simply a reminder of how low she'd been. When you are part of someones life at theit lowest, they asociate you with that and when better often cut you off dead in order to move onwards. That hurts. I did everything for my MIL, not for praise but because I cared, same with Rob but it doesn't work both ways.

    I'm jealous of Rob now but at the same time glad he's doing so well, I longed for him to just ask how I was but got nothing. I just wish it'd been a two way thing. The time you invested in your friend you can be proud of as it shows you are someone that cares and can see past lies and insecurity to the person beneath. You just have to remember that you did the best anyone could :)
     
    poppleminster, Jun 15, 2010
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  8. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    It's really funny isn't it how people are so different, I've always been really grateful to the people who were around me when I was so low and I now really treasure those people and will never forget them. If someone can be there through your lowest point it proves what loyal and caring people they are. Love to you both xxx
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  9. Mrsg2b2011

    poppleminster

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    Thanks Juliak :) I guess we're all different. After Rob I never made close friends really, Ben is my best friend and my partner in one and I can't imagine it any other way. I'm a lucky girlie :angry:
     
    poppleminster, Jun 15, 2010
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  10. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Aaah thanks Popple. Its lovely to hear that people don't think I am a troll :) .
    I can imagine it really hurts that he has blanked you when you have done so much for him. Thats unreal. As for your ex MIL that is terrible but its the same for you hun you are a lovely caring person who didn't deserve to be treated like that..
    See Emma is still the same as always but maybe she just sees that I am moving on with my life & its not all about her anymore!!!

    Well I am just very glad that I have all you wonderful kind gold hearted brides to be on here to have a good old laugh with.
    Saying that I have lowered the mood tonight quick we need crass humour ti lighten the mood....

    damn, fart, fanny trolls ha ha ha :angry: :angry:
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  11. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    I didn't say you weren't a troll, pinhead......he he, does feel good being naughty!!!!
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  12. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Julia it shows what a wonderful person you are that you hold onto your friends not ditch them when the going gets tough. Big love back to you my petal & you poppple :) :angry:
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  13. Mrsg2b2011

    poppleminster

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    aha so you want to lighten things up... I should start a thread about the fan mail I used to get whilst writing the agony column for a certain 'adult' magazine! Actually, better not. Must be good, must be good. Honestly though, the questions some people asked!
     
    poppleminster, Jun 15, 2010
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  14. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    Thank you but isn't that what real friends are meant to do? xx
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  15. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Yes it is but true friends are really nice people so you are all one in a nutshell baby :Dxxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  16. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    Oh classic moment. Just as I finished the last post Jakob started giggling, I asked what was making him laugh, now bear in mind he is 14 and anything remotely (and I MEAN remotely) relating to willies etc is hilarious to him he replied the man on the tv was talking about bent wood and I thought it sounded painful..... I despair!
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  17. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    Stop now or i'll get all teary! But thank you too, same right back at you sweetie!
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  18. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    :) :eek: :lol: :lol: :lol: He he that made me laugh I have the childish humour of a 14 year old :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Ps mean it all you ladies on here are truely lovely I look forward to logging on every night xxx
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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  19. Mrsg2b2011

    juliak

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    Me too hon, especially when Spence is on nights, I get very lonely and I miss him so you guys are taking my mind off of that! Jake doesn't really count company wise unless you don't mind muttering about fictional wars and grunting.....
     
    juliak, Jun 15, 2010
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  20. Mrsg2b2011

    Mrsg2b2011

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    Depends what sort of grunting as in teenage non taking or manly smelly kind. That swhat I normally have to put up with with Mark xxx:lol:
     
    Mrsg2b2011, Jun 15, 2010
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