Big disappointments!

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum, so hello!

I'm getting married in 6 months time and my wedding has been booked for 2 and a bit years.
As it's getting closer to the time, we are just having disappointment after disappointment.
The first thing was that my father and his wife were dictating to us that we should be inviting a certain person even though we don't know them. Also, my half sister was moaning that we hadn't invited her boyfriend (she is 16 and had been with her boyfriend for a few months!) plus telling me what dress she wanted etc. A lot has happened with my father since this and we are actually no longer in contact (so much history I cant go into detail) so none of them are coming to the wedding now.

The second thing was that my fiance's Aunt, Uncle and cousin had booked a holiday around our wedding date which means they cant come. Our wedding was booked as I said, 2 and a half years ago and they booked their holiday 18 months ago. So that was annoying as they knew the date of the wedding.

Thirdly, my fiance's Uncle is being an absolute knob (excuse the language) because we are not inviting his daughters (my fiance's cousins) boyfriend. We do not know this man, we have met him once very briefly! We only have 50 spaces for the day and we are only inviting people we actually know and want there, as you would expect!
He has been very nasty with my future mother in law over it and actually made her cry!! This is a recent thing and my fiance is calling him tomorrow to sort it out and basically tell him not to bother coming if it's that much of an issue!

Lastly, and this has arisen tonight... my maid of honour and bridesmaid... my family all live an hour away from where we live and are getting married so I appreciate they are travelling on the day.
They are choosing not to stay over the night before or the night of the wedding, which is fine. However, when I discuss times with them today and said I'd need them with me at the hotel approx 3 hours before the ceremony... they are now saying they cant be there that early, they were expecting to arrive an HOUR before the service!
I have booked a hairdresser now to do our hair, plus getting make up on etc, I will need them there earlier than an hour before! I understand one has lots of kids and they will need to be entertained, maybe I'm asking too much? I don't know. But now I am really over it. I did say that I wont be offended if they decide they cant make it early enough to take part in the bridesmaid bits and just want to come as guests. I don't mind... I'm just disappointed really.

I really think weddings show who is truly there for you and who just thinks they are entitled. I am actually shocked at people moaning and kicking off over who we are/are not inviting. It is OUR day not theirs!
Am I ridiculous? Aaahhhh!!

 

Welcome to the forum! I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been going through, weddings really do bring out the worst in some people. There's no excuse for any of that, so don't worry that you're being unreasonable. The best thing you can do is to politely stand your ground. I take it that you are paying for everything? Things get more complicated with parents making demands if they are the ones paying for it.

 

Hi

Thank you, you're right they do bring out the worst in people.. its bizarre to me though, it's supposed to be a happy occasion and there's just so much drama about everything!
Yeah we are paying for it all ourselves. And we will definitely be standing our ground!

 

Hello
I am so sorry to hear you are such a stressfull time at the moment. This should be the time to be getting exitted about YOUR big day.
I am mostly sorry about how your maid of honour and bridesmaid are acting, they should be bending over backwards to make sure they are helping you as much as possible.! its an honour to be asked to be such a close and important part of somones day. An hour before the wedding you will be pretty much ready and they would have missed out on this. If you are having a photographer take photos of you getting ready then it would be nice if they had their photos taken too, maybe this is somthing you can say to them to get them there earlier??
With regards to family i am sure you are not alone with this.. As a wedding coordinator i have many couples telling me staories about family members booking holidays, wanting new partners to come etc. I would say just stand your ground and dont let them pressure you into changing plans around them. I always say if they really wanted to be there for you and your partner they will..
I hope this helps a little. Good luck

N xx

 

If it is any consolation - we traveled 700 miles from SW Germany (train, flight, rental car) to my nephew’s wedding in Somerset having offered — besides a honeymoon dinner for two, via the registry — a present worth £4000 to the groom in the form of sponsored concerts for his chorale in our area the following year. Guess what — we did not even receive an invitation to the eve-of-wedding event…(This, having hosted his parents for five years in a row - three nights each time plus a banquet ion their honor - at our home)

And indeed (in a further breach of wedding etiquette, which prioritizes faraway guests in matters of accommodation) a block booking was made for musician colleagues/buddies of the couple while leaving other invitees — regardless of how far they had travelled, or how advanced in years — to fend for themselves (I quote: “don’t leave it too late, as the rooms will get booked up quickly”. In other words, a free-for-all among aunts and uncles — who were forced to find their own lodging — and faraway guests…).

Or were we perhaps expecting too much?