Anxiety...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by jesspett, Jan 14, 2014.

  1. jesspett

    jesspett

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    My fiance has a tendency to suffer from panic attacks. It started just before Christmas. He was in a very stressful and demanding job, all down to his boss really. He just went into work one day, read one email and lost it. This continued for about 3 weeks, 4 panic attacks each week. I've never experienced anything like it. It's like he just snapped. He wasnt the same man that came home every night, he was just constantly sad and on edge. After witnessing one of his attacks, enough was enough. He quit his job and hasnt had an attack since thank goodness. However he's still twitchy and anxious even about the smallest of things.
    Long story short, we've been together since we were 17. But I cant help worry that the stress and anxiety of the wedding will set him off again. He wants to be involved with the wedding planning and such, but I'm not so sure if it's a great idea. But will keeping him in the dark and him not knowing whats going on set him off too?
    Any thoughts would be highly appreciated.
     
    jesspett, Jan 14, 2014
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  2. jesspett

    MrsGroves2B

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    I'm sorry to hear about your h2b suffering with anxiety and panic attacks. Stress affects different people in different ways, and sometimes things can lie dormant for ages and then something can trigger things off again. I'm glad to hear that things are better now that he has quit work.

    I would recommend still keeping him involved if that is what he wants, but when it comes to the booking of things, etc, you do it. That way he is still involved in decisions, etc, but at the same time you're taking away some of the stress and eliminating as much stress as possible.

    I really hope he gets better soon

    xx
     
    MrsGroves2B, Jan 14, 2014
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  3. jesspett

    Becky Administrator

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    Welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear about your fianc├ęs anxiety, must have been really tough for you both. Has he seen a doctor about it? Stress and anxiety can have a massive effect on the body - both physically and psychologically - so he needs to make sure he is looking after himself and getting the right help. I have a good friend who is a teacher and he has really struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, and he found a lot of support at Anxiety UK.

    When it comes to planning the wedding, it's great that he wants to get involved. Make sure you are really organised and work together as a team to get things done - make a list of everything you need to book / make decisions on / buy, and allocate jobs between you. Give him tasks that he is comfortable doing, and you take on anything that may be a cause of stress for him. In my experience it always tends to be family issues that are the worst when it comes to weddings! Maybe that's just mine though... ;)

    When are you getting married?
     
    Becky, Jan 15, 2014
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  4. jesspett

    jesspett

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    He went to the doctors during the midst of all this, trying to get signed off with stress. Which he did thankfully. The doctor did briefly mention CBT if it continues, but there's a waiting list and it's conducted in groups? This is on the NHS. He doesnt have any trouble sleeping, but he will still worry about the smallest of things. Recently we were out and he was fretting that he put the washing machine on 60 degrees and not 30 degrees... It was just exhausting. He was continuously criticised for the smallest of things in his job (He once forgot to pass on a message to his boss due the shed load of work that doesnt even fall into his remit, and his boss went on to bang his hand on the desk and humiliate him by saying he's made the whole company look stupid in front of the entire office, this was a daily occurrence).
    HR were actually on his side at the beginning, saying that he was indeed being bullied and harassed. His boss then FOLLOWED him down to HR one day, and listened through the door.. 30 minutes later, my OH is called back down to HR, and is told not to take things to personally, and to basically get over it. He THEN receives a letter from HR saying he's now being investigated for a mistake his colleague actually made.
    At the end of the day, what's done is done. They practically shoved him out the door. I think the best thing is to take it one step at a time. It's terrible to think I'm just waiting for the next panic attack to happen so it gives him the initiative to do something about it... The last thing I want to do is cancel the wedding, luckily we havent made any secure bookings yet, for this exact reason..
     
    jesspett, Jan 16, 2014
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  5. jesspett

    Becky Administrator

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    Goodness, that's awful! :( Poor guy, must have been horrific. Sounds very much like constructive dismissal to me, has he thought about seeking legal advice?
     
    Becky, Jan 16, 2014
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  6. jesspett

    jesspett

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    My brother works works in HR also, and he suggested that we have a good case for constructive dismissal. But we decided it would be better to not do anything for my other half's sake, the thought altogether just crippled him. As corny as it sounds, all I want is the guy I met when I was 17 back.. We'll see how things progress.
     
    jesspett, Jan 16, 2014
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  7. jesspett

    Becky Administrator

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    Yeah I can understand you just wanting to move forwards. It'll take time, but you'll get there.

    Just a thought, but exercise can be a real help for anxiety and it is something you can do together :)
     
    Becky, Jan 17, 2014
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  8. jesspett

    melbaker

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    I'm sure that as long as you're standing by him, you'll both come out stronger.

    I agree about the exercise. When I went through health anxiety, I found that any positive distraction did me good. So don't worry about involving him in the planning, it may do him good :) Hope the situation is better now
     
    melbaker, Feb 19, 2014
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