8 replies to this topic

[sparkledream]

as the title says...

as you all know we brought our wedding plans forward considerably, so that OH's mum can see us gat married, as she has a brain tumor.

anyway, she's getting worse. in the past 2 weeks, she's got a wheelchair, and a hospital bed delivered to the house. FIL is very stubborn, didn;t like how the carers were with her, and told them to f off.
so he's been struggeling on his own. she's now basically immobile, cant walk or move her legs, gets intense headaches. shakes. gets good and bad days. she's had a few falls, (nearly again today).

I have arranged an ambulance to take her to and from the wedding.

anyway. with 4 days to go, i'm getting pretty concerned about if a she will ba able to manage the wedding.
she is very very quite and very slow to respond.
it's really sad.


sad and worried

[poppleminster]

My mother had a brain tumour and sounds like a similar situation. She was diagnosed in the January and died in September and once it kicks in, deterioration physically is both shocking and terrifying to be around. One thing I do remember though, is that no matter how scarey it was to other people, my mother remained strong and although her voice became slurred, she was totally aware of everything around her and whilst unable to express that very well, the few smiles she had were totally genuine.

I'm really so sorry that you're going through this and I really do understand the complex emotions that go with watching this happen to someone. The only thing that you can do is to try not to be afraid, try to talk to her, when she's not hurting too badly or too drugged up then to describe things you are planning and to keep positive that she will be able to make it, even if only for a little time and then go home.

The biggest thing for people that are terminally mill, is that people are afraid of them. The sudden change in their physical state shocks those around them as well as themselves. She is still the same person, the same sense of humour and opinions, just locked away in a very poorly shell. I used to go into the local hospice and create memory books for terminallym ill patients. Going through their photos often reminds them of all the good, happy things they have had in their lives. Maybe if you can get some pics of your venue and you & hubby2be together then it might make her happy to have them around her.

Sorry i'm not much help. One day at a time and I hope your FIL finds help he can trust. Is it a cancerous tumour? If so then get a call in to Macmillan as their nurses are spot on in terms of care, dignity and being cheerful. Much nicer than the overworked, underpaid NHS ones can have the time to be.

Big hugs. Becky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[MrsMay2011]

Hi, I do not have the life experience in this respect, so I won't attempt to advise, but it seems to me you are doing everything you can to ensure your MIL sees her son married if at all possible. In the event, she may well not be able to stay very long but I'm sure that at the times she is aware of both your efforts to allow her to attend the wedding she is profoundly grateful.

I am touched, reading your post, by the love that has gone into doing this for your MIL (and by extension your H2B) and it is that which she will be concious of, whether or not she ends up seeing the big day. That and the knowledge tht her son is settled, loved and happy. I think you are very brave, you, your MIL and her family, I hope the wedding goes really well. x

[sparkledream]

Thank you popple, I'm sure she will be able to attend the wedding, but i can't hlep but have niggles about what if she cant or has a bad day that day?

None of us are sure how she is really, we're not sure how her eyesight still is, but think it's failing. we think she understands what is going on, but when she is so quiet (i mean she doesn't talk, or respond, and barely intreracts) it's hard to tell. she is vague, and so slow in tresponding, just finding out what she wants on her toast is a struggle.

I'm sad that things are happening this way, but glad on the other hand that we are having the wedding now. I have no regrets about organising it in a month, or only spending £2500. Family means a lot. and it makes you realise how quickly things can change.

It's just sad. and i'm having a sad day.

[poppleminster]

Your wedding will be fantastic, i'm only spending the same amount as you in total despite having another year to go yet.

The crucial thing here is that I cannot imagine you will ever regret your decision to move the wedding forward. Family is everything and your strength in getting all this done so quickly and caring as much as you do means your hubby2be is a lucky guy. It takes a lot to completely change everything to fit round one family member. You will feel sad but you're showing exactly why he's marrying you - because you're wonderful, caring and you love him. Take heart from that, not everyone would do as you have so readily.

I love the venue you have chosen and you know how beautiful the scenery is up there. It's going to be a brilliant day and your man will be so proud of you for being you. xxxxxx

[Zoe]

I too had to bring my wedding forward as we found out at christmas that my dad has lung cancer. We had originally booked our wedding for September in Cyprus and ended up getting married locally in May. No matter what you want your ideal wedding to be I can 100% agree with you that family come first.

Throughout the whole of my planning I was worried that may dad may not make it to the wedding, but tried to keep positive. He did manage to make to wedding, but got exhausted half way through and went to bed after his meal (missed the pud and speeches). I lost out an awful lot with changing the wedding, but that loss is better than the loss I would have felt without making an effort to have him with me.

Try to keep positive
xx

[MrsBrown]

I am so sorry you are going through this and can only reiterate what has been said.

the only thing I would add is if the worst comes to it and she is too ill to join you, you can adjust your plans, visit her in your dress with hubbie once you are married and let her see how beautiful and happy you are. You say she cant always interact and you may not know what her feelings are but you will know that she has seen you and her son happy and settled. Really hope that doesnt happen though and she joins you.

The other thing is, my hubbie is an oncologist. He was telling me in our area, we have a hospice at home, where hospice staff visit people instead of going into a hospice. It may be worth finding out. He said a specialist nurse at your MIL hospital should be able to help you with getting the support she needs. Or does the area have a cancer support network?

Thinking of you. I expect your day will be a happy occasion but tinged with sadness too. Keep strong.
I hope you have a truly special day
xx

[Becky]

I really hope it all goes well for you hon and that your MIL gets to enjoy the day. We'll all be thinking of you xxxxxxx

[juliak]

What a heart wrenching situation, I'm sorry I cannot add any more than the other ladies but just to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you all, and I hope despite everything you have a lovely day. xxx